review: Californication

Okay. I am sick, and I am very shy and embarrassed to admit what it is, since I am afraid people will start avoiding and start de-friending me when they find out. But I will say no more and leave you with this picture.

Now, I have been sick for the past three days, and am at the phase where I am not yet capable of tending to daily activities, which usually consists of sitting in front of the computer writing and reading, but have to resort to less stressful activities, such as sitting in front of the computer watching videos and writing about them. Actually as I am writing this my brain is sending out electric shocks just to stop me from doing any advanced activities, this also happened when I was watching Ze Frank videos (arg... too intellectual makes my head go oouui.. no that's not french for yes, but ouch in a more sissy manner).

Thus I have started watching Californication, why? because Southpark is putting its commercial on every other second. It is with that X-files guy that keeps going "I believe" or what not, and this girl who I was sooo sure was KT tunstall, but isn't.

Anyhoo in summary this show is like Entourage but in middle age folks in side it, and well not so many entourages... just the one. But other wise, the same. The main character gets laid everytime, and they find one way or another to get as much BBCT- Big boob coverage time- in the show as much as possible. The guys not necessarily my type of guys, seem to know where to find their next lay.. wait hold on, its more like the girls just can't get enough of them.

In more detail, the guy is not a actor, but a writer- the mid age thing right? - and has a kid - with this women I think was a fling or sth, but I have no idea what's going on - she is living on the other side of the US. He seems to be this wild type "man-child" who is just pure simple minded -sex pussy sex. He gives "the right" complements and tries to pick up any chick in the 1km radius, as if that was his instinct or tick if you will. And despite the fact that he isn't all that, it seems to work for him. Actually, I had a friend like that, almost exactly like that,but he wasn't in California, he didn't succeed that often, and ended up with some unattractive chicks, I'll tell you that.

I think one way this guy - Moody- makes it work, is that he places himself in between real (gifted) even more crazy nut and the stiff guy who has a broom up his ass (see this episode), so you are not that wild but not that stiff.. a half and half if you will.

Overall, I think this show is meant for guys who are lonesome with low-self esteem, and haven't got laid since the Bush sr was in power, to try out all their fantasies in one show - fucking your subordinate, your superordinate aka boss, your boss's wife, your student(who also works as a stripper), school teacher, and also come home to your loving wife, who is atleast 4 time zones away (Yes, I think all the ladies in the show are required to sign an agreement that they will show their boobs at the drop of a hat)- but are too cheap to buy real proper porn. OR girls like me who's brain capacity has maxed out and need something to bitch about.

And lastly, no woman at the age of 40 should look like a bag of bones. YES I am talking to you Miss Embeth Davidtz! 40 should be a age of fullness.... but that's another story.

draft thought: what do I excel in?

In the past months, I have had a dreading thought in my head. This thought keep getting bigger and bigger reconfirming itself throughout the experiences I went through... the thought was that, I am just average. not like average joe, but more like, I do not excel in anything actually, and am just mediocre in well some, if not many things.

Orwell once said

"After the age of about thirty they almost abandon the sense of being individuals at all - and live chiefly for others, or are simply smothered under drudgery." - quote from Why I write.

I actually read this quote when I was not yet 30, and thought, bullshit. And now, like I do with all his other writing, this cannot be a better description of how I feel my life is. Ofcourse, he went on to say how writers are exempt from this rule of thumb, and well I am not sure if I can categorize myself as one, but I am definitely not an exception to this rule.

The problem is that I realised at a young age, I can do several things in a relatively easy manner. Sing, dance, do researchesque things, speak ... etc.
Now, after turning thirty, maybe due to the prior expectations that I would actually now excel in some of these things, given that I have been doing them for some time already, I do not feel like my ability to do one thing is any better than the next person. Thus I am just "meh".. mediocre in ..well not even all things but some things.

My dancing days are long gone, my voice changed into that which is okay to listen to but not something that one would want to go and hear, and my research skills, well let's just say I see younger researchers produce much more than what I have done.

I have tried hard in the last week(s) to try to figure out what I am indeed good at.
I am not a great singer,
I am not a great dancer,
I am not a great researcher
I am not a great cook - my skills have decreased over the years
I am not born nor developed beauty that excels the average person
I am not that great in sports - actually with this, I am below average.
I am not sure if I am a good friend or good at socialising - I used to be...but now I just talk to the computer using blogger.
I am not even so sure if I am a good girlfriend - I think some will definitely disagree with this,
Or if I am even good in bed.. well I don't think I am exceptional in this as well.

The only two things I've found that I am good at, is putting sexual innuendo in everyday sentences, and being cynical concerning life. But then again, I am sure there are others who are better than me at this as well...

Why US GDP per capita is highest of the world(with more than 5 mil population)

"... an important portion of the apparently higher standard of living in the United States comes not from working more efficiently than other comparable economies, but simply from working longer"

- Mischel, Bernstein and Allegretto, The State of Working America 2004-2005: 428-429.

and about productivity and wages...

"The typical worker’s compensation (wages plus benefits), which has traditionally risen in sync with productivity gains, began falling behind in the 1970s. Since then the gap has widened dramatically as productivity kept climbing while compensation has remained essentially stagnant."

Figure - from State of Working America 2008/2009

Less is more...

Since its been quite a while since I've done anything to this page, I've decided to write one of those, "today I was reading..." posts. I mean I try not to use this space as a "dear diary" space, but once and then yes, I do write one of those as well. Despite feeling like a pathetic looser who does not have any friends to share this with in real life and have to resort to the unidentified mass out there in cyber space(hello world!), I am going to write one of the aforementioned posts... (did I just repeat myself?)

Anyhow, today Charlie Brooker wrote another one of his sharp view on life columns, concerning having infinite amount of choices and being stressed out due to it... well here it mostly concerns books and dvds. First of all, I was so happy to see that I am not the only one with the ever expanding list of books(or books actually on the shelf) to read and not enough time or self-discipline to actually read them. Phew, I thought I was the looser.
The interesting thing was his conclusion was that he wants to loose his freedom of choices, that he wants a strict regulation on what he gets to see, read etc.
Which made me think of the talk by Barry Schwartz at the TED conferences concerning the "paradox of choice"(video below), which is based on his book with the same title.



The summary (quoted from wikipedia/which quotes from this book) is

"... eliminating consumer choices can greatly reduce anxiety for shoppers.
Autonomy and Freedom of choice are critical to our well being, and choice is critical to freedom and autonomy. Nonetheless, though modern Americans have more choice than any group of people ever has before, and thus, presumably, more freedom and autonomy, we don't seem to be benefiting from it psychologically."

This is exactly what Brooker was tapping into. The psychological anxiety due to the amount of choice we have. This has to do with the missed opportunities.

One of the suggestion to Brooker's column, by the reader, which I can't find any more, is that he should stop earning money. Since having less money really simplifies this choice making since you don't have any money to buy anything then.
Which I agree completely. I am one of those people who decided that I will not spend money on stuff, not because I am stingy nor because I am poor.. (well I was at the point when I started though), but because it's just soo much easier (thinking that) one does not have the monetary possibility to do various things.

An example. I would rather patch up holes in my socks(many of which were given to me by family and friends, thanks owen), rather than go shopping for them.
Why you ask? since I get incredibly anxious about which socks to get, the sporty ones of fashionable ones, or which brand, which shop to go to etc. It takes ridiculous amount of time and ends up with me being worried that I've made the wrong decision.
The same goes for other clothes and attire.

The same could go for books and CDs(I don't do DVDs - no I don't even download them. I just try to find free streaming services or go to movies - now that is a commitment of atleast 2 hours!!). Although I must say even in my poorest times, I've decided to splurge in CDs and books, since 1. I love music, 2. I don't buy many books anyhow.
Actually these days I resorted to buying either CDs. vinyl from bands I"ve just saw live or buying vinyl from the street flea market for 1 euro(especially because I know that they will throw away the rest at the end of the day if they can't sell them).

But whichever the case, I think the conclusion I was trying to make is that this whole paradox of choice becomes much easier when you limit your choice making to the minimal. And this links with the whole consuming less and preserving more. (also see this blog post on related topics)

Ze Frank

At this movie festival in amsterdam, I saw a retrospective of interactive artist, comedian
Ze Frank (pronounced Zay Frank)
Which had some clips from his show, called... yes you've guessed it.

The Ze Frank Show.

He has a very sharp witty/cynical side to his humour, and the way he addresses his audience(intense eye+ and a pedagogic yet sarcastic manner in which he speaks) , has been followed by other vloggers ever since (such as the vlogbrothers: I'm thinking maybe they even copied his hairstyle)

Anyhow here are some of my favourites.





and here is him talking at TEDtalks

word of the day: camp

camp  [kamp] via dictionary.com
–noun
1. something that provides sophisticated, knowing amusement, as by virtue of its being artlessly mannered or stylized, self-consciously artificial and extravagant, or teasingly ingenuous and sentimental.
2. a person who adopts a teasing, theatrical manner, esp. for the amusement of others.
–verb (used without object)
3. Also, camp it up. to speak or behave in a coquettishly playful or extravagantly theatrical manner.
–adjective
4. campy: camp Hollywood musicals of the 1940s.

Its all about the packaging

The more I get into this research business, and read articles published in "prominent" journals, what I see is that its not really what you say, and what you found (new) that makes you get recognition or published, but its really about how you say it that matters.

- 10 August, 2009 ... frustrated.

Hunting in preparation for Christmas.....

Here is a promotional video from Rare Exports






..... now you know where it all came from.

My political views?

Here is an interesting quiz finding
from
Political Spectrum Quiz


My Political Views
I am a left moderate social libertarian
Left: 7.19, Libertarian: 1.53

Political Spectrum Quiz


My Foreign Policy Views
Score: -6.31

Political Spectrum Quiz


My Culture War Stance
Score: -6.64

Political Spectrum Quiz


you can also compare the results of different demographic groups.
I found that I am more left than most people my age and more authoritarian than most people my age. and I am most closest to people in my age group in the Netherlands.... (ohhh scary isn't it? is this cultural assimilation of mine?)

Depression is a sign from our body to chill?

An article in the economist reports about a medical study which argues that depression is a body's natural way of stopping you in pursuing unreachable goals.
So the study's conclusion is that
1. your body/mind gets depressed if you try to pursue certain goals that you(maybe your subconscious) identifies as unattainable
2. since you get depressed you stop doing what you were doing --> you seize to be depressed
3. if you don't stop what you were doing, and do not disengage in the goal, then you are more likely to suffer from serious depression in the longer run.

It is a well known fact that although twice as more women suffer from depression, however, it is the men that suffer from severe depression which are more likely to end in suicide. source for depression rates source on suicide, WHO stats for suicide

Okay. then let's put these two together.
This means that either women usually set up higher goals for themselves on a regular basis, but eventually comes to terms with their limitations and disengage at least at a certain point.

On the other hand, men usually do not set higher goals for themselves, but when they do, they have a harder time disengaging from them and/or these goals are more unattainable than those of the "average woman", and they end up pushing themselves in situations of suicide...

Ofcourse this would only hold true if 1) depression is ONLY caused by not attaining goals, 2) suicide is ONLY caused by severe depression 3) there are no externalities of suicide attempt and success rates.,,, whoa... maybe I'm becoming too much of an economist? :-P

On another note...
Korea has one of the highest suicide rate in the world..WHO document
and the patterns seen here are quite different from the patterns found in, for example, those of Finland, which also has very high rates.
the difference is Koreans have higher suicide rates for older age groups, where Finland this is approximately same across all age groups.

Does this mean Koreans are more likely to have higher goals when older, get depressed and commit suicide? Actually, I think the suicide of koreans, including that of the ex-president which happened quite recently, is more due to the east-Asian culture of getting rid of yourself when you shamed your family/country. something like Seppuku in Japan.

Of course, I would end this whole post with this question. Forgetting about the suicide rates and all, the whole point that our bodies are trying to protect ourselves from causing harm by being depressed means that we are not really programmed to be "persistent" or overly-ambitious. that we are just supposed to chill....