French keyboards

Yours truely is in Frqnce
yes qs you cqn see; the keyboqrds qre different here:
I think it is becquse they hqve different qlqbeths thqt they use ,ore freauently thqn others:
qlso you cqnnot zrite nu,bers qs zell: ofcourse the plqces of the puntuqtion ,qrks qre qlso in different plqces: I thought the ger,qn keyboqrd zqs zeird111 ,y god1 is it possible thqt in this dqy of Europeqn unificqtion; ze cqn hqve such different keyboqrds%%%%

qnyhoz:::

I hope you cqn reqd zhqt I q, trying to zrite


hints: ,=m %=? q=a z=w w=z 1=! a=q
:=. ;= ,

College humor

Okay, remember that boyfriend vibrator video clip?
That was college humor
and well they have like 307 videos on their you tube site
yours truely probably watched all of them... like twice.
I mean I am extremely addicted to them now
can't stop watching.
I think one of them even came out in my dreams.
For those of you who has never seen one of their clips
start easy with their best of selection
and work your way into hardly working series
but anyhow, need to go back to work...ahhhhhh

light graffiti

Light Graffiti

Intellectual masturbation

Working in the academic field, I get quite many chances to see people - and yes, I admittedly say, yours truly is not exempted from this, but then again its mostly (white) middle aged/older men - display pure masturbation of themselves and their group publicly in front of others.
Ofcourse this is not the more innocent type of masturbation where one comes to a point of physical orgasm, but no.. I am talking about the intellectual masturbation, where one comes to a orgasm due to believing that one is the smartest person in the world, a wise knowledgeable scholar, who has a keen view on society.

I think the worst are those who talk in jargons, which is a method people use when they do not understand their own topic well enough to explain it to others*, and while others cannot follow them, not due to the elaborate character of their analysis but due to their clumsy-arrogant way of explaining it, they feel that they are superior to their listeners. The fact that no one could refute their theory, is shown as a victory to themselves - while the truth is that it was either non-comprehensible due to its bad presentation, or due to that its substance was so insignificant that it is not worthy spending one's time trying to explain to the writers that their work is redundant.

Thus this intellectual masturbation is so, not only due to the orgasm one brings by falsely tricking one's mind that it was real -(sex) - but also due to that even done in front of others, it is essentially done by and for your own self, and others can only be spectators.

Ofcourse again, I am not excluded from this as well.
This blog writing actually signifies how I love to read/hear myself speak/write/masturbate, through making my hands busy.


*one should always have the ability to make one's study understandable to a child

Yellow Rage

Two asian-American girls on Def Poetry Jam



I would also have shit loads to say if given the chance
Such as, just to add to the one that was said above

why do you think we all are Chinese, and what is so funny about shouting "ni-hau" in a mocking manner and hilarious to laugh at me with your friends?
Why do you feel like you need to shout random sounds, just to segregate me with you, so you feel safe in your own little world?
What makes you think its okay to shout at me words you would not use to others, but no I am not one of you, you as in human?
Why do you think we are completely different, that I do not feel? that my food smells and while your ways are right, my ways are underdeveloped?
Do I not think as you do? shall I not love as you do? shall I stay within the boundaries you have set for me in the Chinese restraurants and Kung-fu movies?
Your ignorance and prejudice makes me sick, disgusted and speak in anger when I hear your murmur

==============================================================

but here is another hilarious version to the asian pride...


about hiphop ignorance

but check out others... there are quite alot of angry asians out there.

Work vs Blogging

Ofcourse the y axis can be changed in to the frequency of logging into e-mail accounts, facebook accounts or other random procrastination methods.
...

see how many blog posts I have this month....and try to predict how many months I have left in writing up my thesis.

He's just not that into you

Apparently there is another "sex and the city" movie out trying to teach women how to "catch guys", which is now called - and bluntly put - "He's just not that into you".

I haven't seen it but Tanya Gold's interpretation of the key message of the movie is...

"If a man is not trying to undress you, he's not into you. If he doesn't want to marry you in the next 10 minutes, he's just not that into you. If your lover is impotent, distant, tired, anxious, busy, brusque, depressed - anything that proclaims him to be a human being, not a Disney hero with cartoon flowers, nice teeth and a 24/7 erection - he's just not that into you."

If you see the trailer of the movie, the last line of the trailer says

"XXX cinema brings a comedy about meaning what you say without saying what you mean"

Which I think means, never say what you want to say, always pretend and put on a front to be cool because most people are shallow and superficial and will not notice that it is all fake anyhow, and will even appreciate it. Who cares about being true when one can have it all by being fake?

Similar to the Rules
in wiki's definition is a book about "in order to attract and marry the man of her dreams, a woman should play hard to get"
in Tanya Gold's words..

"The Rules are: never telephone a man; never be in when he calls; never speak to him; wear matching underwear.... pretend to be dead in order to get married"

And Guess what! the ladies of the rules have actually made their own list of "he is not that into you if .."

They include things such as

4. He's not that into you if he doesn't ask you out by Wednesday for Saturday night.

==> apparently you only need to date guys who are very organized???

7. He's not that into you if he asks you to split the check.

==> are you kidding, in countries such as the Netherlands, it is considered weird even rude if you do not split the check on a date

8. He's not that into you if he expects you to meet him half way or travel to him in a long-distance relationship.

==> In all my long-distant relationships and the ones that I know of, both couples traveled back and forth and most of the relationship have worked into marriages and other serious steps.

12. He's not that into you if he forgets your birthday.

==> again like number 4, you need a guy who is definitely organized... can't it be that he is absent minded? Also how about, "you're not into your boyfriend if you forget his birthday"

But this has got to be my favourite.

13. He's not that into you if he doesn't give you a romantic gift for Valentine's Day.

==> these women really must be living in the victorian ages or some weird Hollywood movie

The list goes on to

21. He's not that into you if he doesn't want to have sex.
22. He's not that into you if he doesn't propose.
23. He's not that into you if he proposes but won't set a wedding date.

Ofcourse these rules are for American-USA- women, which apparently is a country of the strict evangelist Christians whose women's main goal is to grasp a man into marriage??

How about those of us who have a hard time deciding, how about women who do not want to get married? how about open relationships? I mean these "rules" presupposes that all women want to get married right away, as soon as possible, and do not question their choice of men, and would like to be financially dependent on their men. - oh yeah, they are all hetrosexual, and celebrate these capitalistic driven holidays such as valentine's days.


And then there was the list for Jennifer Aniston
And then it really really hit me.
These women are "like" 10. their mental and emotional brain capacity has stopped at ... not not even 10... like 7 more like it.
Some disney movie has raised them up to a level in which they can never over come.
They are a cult trying to encourage other women to stay... 7 and be a little girl when it comes to such issues as relationships.
And look at the two women, writers for the rules book. They really look like two insecure, superficial women, who is afraid of living in the real.

Then it really hit me... shit why am I wasting time writing about these stupid people when I should really be writing my paper..

..............................................................................

Big city and all this excitement

I am from a city of 20 million inhabitants.
Well having said that I have lived in 5 different countries and 6 different cities so I can't say i am just from that city.
Let me share the size of the cities I've lived in.
(current population due to that I do not have info on the past population)
24,472(10,421) thousand, 3,424 thousand, 743thousand, 448thousand, 203thousand

now: 755 thousand

However, until recently I've lived in the 203 thousand city. And I felt, really I cannot live here, or more like I cannot breathe here. Its a city where everyone joked around saying its one of the ugliest cities in the country I live in, as well as being dead. To be completely honest, this wasn't all that true. IF you looked around you could find nice areas in the place as well as finding things to do there, such as going to live gigs, theater and etc. However, whatever I did, I did not feel home, nor was I able to find people I could really connect to. Life was utterly boring. Life was giving me no incentives to really live. This may have to do with the fact that the people around me were all of a certain type- same jobs and same hobbies. Mostly people involved themselves in work, casual drinking and sports. don't get me wrong here, they are all lovely people whom I called friends.
But then again there was something missing. Some inevitable hollowness I felt in life. The feeling of slowly dying... my inner self fading away each day... a fire inside me was in the verge of extinguishment.

Having moved back into a big city, not to say it is a very big city, only about twice the size of the district I live in when I was growing up, I feel there is a difference. Something about the people, who refuse to just live life as normal human beings. Somewhat struggling to find some more meaning in life. Refusing to just take part in the rat race of life. Or it could also be that they had to find some sort of significance of their lives to make a mark in the big city where everyone looks and live the same. To show to the world that, wait hold on, here I am. That one has to find its own uniqueness, meaning to survive, or else would be wiped away in the stream of mass.
I'm not saying all big city folks are unique and all smaller city folks are just the same ol' people with no true characteristics. However, the variety you get in the bigger city is just bigger and no, not proportionately. Also there are just more opportunities in the city. Just something about the place that makes one think there is soo much to live for and do. I feel alive again, like the inner senses that have been dead are slowly waking up to search for what I can do. Ofcourse one has to always be aware of getting carried away by the façade of it all. However, in the masquerade of big city life, one needs to, gets an opportunity to find, make one's own mask. And that is good enough for me.

The boyfriend vibrator

Many say women like sex just because of the emotional connection it brings.
Well here is the perfect thing for those "hypothetical" women
The boyfriend vibrator...
All that emotional connection with just two AA batteries!



Ofcourse it comes with the downside of boyfriends as well...

The Question: what is idleness....

In (Korean) Budism, there is something called a "wha doe"(화두: 話頭).
This can be translated, literally as the (first) question/topic of conversation.
However, its true meaning is the question, mostly concerning life, you have in your head for a long time to reach a state of knowledge/nirvana. The Vipassana method of meditation per se.

I, not of my own choosing really, sometimes have this question in my head, which stays for a long time. The interesting thing is that when I have such a question, it is as if life decide to give me examples related constantly, so I can learn from them or see things in different perspective. (Amy Tan in her TED talk, talks about how this happens to her)

anyhow, this time the question is life, the speed of life, competition, winning and being lazy.

This weekend, my time was spent on the song "something important".
The main message of the song, no the main question of the song is, are you doing something important right now, and by the way what is important and why on earth do we ask this question to begin with?

I think this started with the fights I had with my boyfriend, which had much to do with him being slow and I trying to finish things in a rapid manner and getting stressed if they are done as such. Then the question was, why do I have to do this like such?
Similarly the other problem was that he didn't pursue some things hard enough, that he didn't really give his 100%... didn't try his best to save money, didn't work hard enough to achieve something etc...
all of which is vehemently argued against by Bertrand Russell in his (short) essay In Praise of Idleness.

It is the question of why am I running? where am I running towards and what then?

I think I used to be very competitive. Although I do not want to reinforce any stereotypes that exist in this world since there are too many as they are, living as an Asian American girl, in Texas, I think it really comes with the territory. You are driven to be competitive, and well the problem was that most of the time, without really trying hard, you were better than most people... well in the things that mattered, such as maths :-P.
This competitive edge did not decrease any bit when I came back to Korea. The only thing that changed was that art and music was taken out of the competition category.
Even later on in life, when I wasn't competing on special issues, the idea that I am very able and have all the potentials in the world, just that I am not diligent enough to follow up on them, an idea jammed in to my head constantly by my parents, and later on by myself made me nervous just enough to think I have to win.
Then came the question, what was this I had to win?
The other thing was hey do I really have that ability?
last question being, do I really want to win to begin with.
Many of these question came in waves due to various experiences.

One of which was my father's manner in which he lived and his inability to achieve what he and his environment thought was an obvious course for him to take.
He, being one of the elite of the elite, graduated from the best high school(back in his days they had to take tests to get in to good high schools), top of the class, went into the best university highest scoring department as the top, graduated as one, passed the civil servant test in a high score, was the director of a Korean economic planning bureau at a very early age etc.
Every one expected him to be a minister of economic affairs or atleast labour at atleast on point in his career. His shining career however was not meant to be, due to various reasons some of which was of his own fault, may it have been directly or indirectly, others chance of luck or in his case, bad luck and well mostly bad politics.
However, to this day I know that he is still waiting for everything to fall back into place and so that he can take on his rightful place in the government.

The problem is, the more I look, I feel like that the only reason he wants to take place in the government ministry, is not (only) because of the purpose of bettering Korea, the world, society etc, but it is the only game he knows how to play and he can't stop playing.

I do not say this in a condescending manner. I myself believe that I also am a victim of such single mindedness.

===========================
Originally written at the 26th of August 2008.
Just realised that I didn't write for such a long time, so am putting this up.
will add more to it later on...