Tips on how to work with others; write together or to co-authour papers together

They say - when I say they, I mean people in the academia fields but I think this can hold true for other fields of work - that once you work with someone else it is likely that you will become enemies. If you don't become enemies, then you or the other person is quite generous, acceptable and overall a VERY nice person - or just WEAK!
Whichever the case, working with people is probably one of the hardest thing to do, especially to those of us stubborn f*cks who do not like to "settle" for anything less, and think we are almost always right- unless proven otherwise- and even then its hard to admit to it.

While working with people, I realized that I can really be bitchy, seriously. Well, I do not go and shout obscene things to a person or make rude gestures, but on the contrary, I shut down, making a face- which I thought was just a plain face, but from others comments and a couple of photos of myself I realized was extremely intimidating and scary - which looks as if I am saying "F*ck off or I will kill you" - actually this is what one of my friends said it looks like, on a nice day. And up till now I thought I had a nice sleepy harmless face... well...

And then there is no negotiation... you have crossed the line... and it will be time since I ease out or you actually die.

whichever the case, I have done this again a couple of days ago, and realized this is not good... I must try to work with people, because this is really a reputation. HWA- not Hoes with Attitude but my friend hwa, had once told me how in the communication design Internet site design etc whatyoumacallit industry, because you always have to work with people, such as programmers and the sort, it is very important what kind of reputation you have, because even if you are good/well not great but good/ and have a bad reputation concerning working with other people, then you can't get far... because nobody will work with you.
Of course this might not be the case in Social Science, but still I do think it does make sense to make friends not enemies while working with people, cuz more and more the consensus is that you have to work with people, to various degrees - co-authouring articles, writing books together, being in the same research network etc. it is all about networks these days.

Ok so here are some tips you can use when you have to work with people...
there are some strategies you can choose from.

One is to become extremely passive- do whatever the other person(s) tell you to do... this is hard because it is your baby- the paper/project I mean and you just cannot let it go that easily... but if you can, this is a good idea, and if there are problems and if you can't get into a journal just blame the other person.

Second is to own the project from day one, make sure that you are in charge and make sure the other person knows it too,(in other words, make them yo biatch) so in other words making the other person the first example.

Third, when both don't work is trying to find a dividing point, so for example, chapter 1,2 is yours and 3 and 4 is the other person- or divided by tasks or is more or less independent from one another, although you give each other comments - but just constructive criticism.. not more not less - you need not have to make decisions together.

If this is not the case, another good way to tackle this problem is not to have face to face conflicts but work via internet-e-mails. (using track changes mode) This is good in the sense that you do not have direct interaction with the person, thus you have lesser chances of strangling the person to death because you get frustrated talking to an ignorant wall.

Another good tip is do not write with a person who you are shagging.. this will bring problems in every direction possibly imaginable.

But I have to admit, co-authoured work can develop quite quickly and can result to better quality work, because you get good/quick comments about things easily. However it can lead to end of good friendship extreme stress cancer cells murder and imprisonment.

Craig Ferguson "70s Scottish Porn"

I really like comedians...
Strangely even since I was little, I just could not resist a funny man... it automatically make me want ... the guy.
I also love scottish and irish guys.. their sense of humour added with a sprinkle of a strong accent... ahhhh (seriously, one of the biggest reason for me to go back is because of the Scottish lads... really)
Well in CBS there is this guy who is these two combined.. his name is Craig Ferguson.. a scottish lad, from glasgow... ahhh...glasgow...who came over to the US when he was 21.. now at 44 he has finally made it in the business with his own show- "the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" after david letterman...
He is right now on a roll I think
he is just soo funny- I have the feeling that I would want to impregnate myself with his seed - check out my previous blog about John Cleese.. this happens sometimes.. hehe

Anyways here is a segment of his stuff hilarious- this one is on 70s Scottish Porn..

Free Hug Campaign

This is a story of a guy who started giving free hugs to people, I've heard in Australia - to pass on the love.. I guess.

The writing with the video reads---------------------------------------------
Sometimes, a hug is all what we need. Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man whos sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives.
In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.
As this symbol of human hope spread accross the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED. What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring.




After watching this, which was approximately a month ago or something, I was inspired deeply and decided to do this myself, but not to strangers but to my friends. To give my friends hugs whenever I meet them.
The only problem is that because we are not used to doing this, I myself was uneasy about when to give the hugs and how, and the persons being hugged themselves sometimes did not know how to properly hug, they felt like stiff logs.
As if you couldn't go through to them no matter what.. it felt like I could feel their walls or something. Also I think some people thought hugs should be reserved for the few... real occassions.

Afterwards, I've returned to the three times kissing on the cheeks or handshakes or nothings/niks- and hugs just for the rare moments when it is needed... such as meeting my friends who I haven't met for a long time, or when someone needs to be lifted up emotionally... or when I felt a connection with someone. To add on the physical side to the emotional side, its nice to have a "heart to heart"...

your true self

One of the questions, that I am asked often or other people are asked is " what do you find attractive in a guy/girl" or "what do you look for in a guy/girl"...

and the answer differs, depending on your age, on what stage of life your in, on your past relationship - definately this, because if you had a bad relationship, you try to avoid some types of characteristics (or just signs of certain characteristics) and/or try to find something that wasn't there ... ect.

These days, maybe its because I've grown up or maybe its because I am exhausted from the petty relationships I 've experienced... but I think the most important thing you must look for is, if you can be comfortable in front of that person... if you can show your naked self - not physically, well that too but more importantly mentally- in front of that person, just fragile and all vunerable, and do not care about it, no feel confortable doing it or having the feeling you want to do so.

If you can do that... than that is the person for you.

the thing is that, when I was trying to look for a good looking guy, that was easy...
when I was trying to find a guy that was highly educated and had exciting thoughts, that was also easy, well not as easy but possible...
but to find someone who can really see you through all the bull shit all the superficial cover up all the walls that surround you.... that is difficult...
it is almost impossible.

One of the reasons for this I guess is because, I myself do not know what my true self is...

But when you've found that person, and you know this, you shouldn't let him/her go... the only problem is that when you have it and had it for some time, you sometimes forget the value of what you are holding and tend to let it go for other unimportant things.

WORK virus

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to your friends. If you do not have friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Google Error

Yes it has actually happened...
God of the 21st century our Big Brother, Almighty itself

GOOGLE HAD AN ERROR IN THEIR SERVER!!!!











First of all, I was quite surprised, I suspect it was a hacker in action, I seize to believe that there was actually a server error due to their mistakes, no that just cannot happen.

However I have to admit to the fact that it is becoming more scarier and scarier due to the fact that now google owns EVERYTHING... on the net that is..

When it bought You Tube, that was it, that was the signal when we realize we must hail Google and must worship it, because it will soon own you.
But seriously, I am a big fan... am a believer...

In google we trust.
but we should beware of things to happen, maybe it will become the big brother who is watching you.

On Happiness and existential questions

"Another thought occurs: perhaps happiness is in inverse relationship to intelligence. In our first and second childhoods, we are tolerably happy, but intellectually challenged; only in the middle of our lives are we clever enough to realise that life is utterly meaningless, directed towards death and that the unlikelihood of an afterlife means that we have no rational justification for turning that existential frown upside down?" Stuart Jefferies.

Like this it might be that we are faced with the existential questions around the time where it seems to be more or less you should be happy with the certain condition you are under or have achieved (so hard to get even).. such as a proper job, a stable marriage or a suitable partner, house etc are secured. Ofcourse it does not mean that you do not question your existence and the "meaning of life" when you are not secured.
Whichever the case, it just is that some of us, will not let ourselves alone and face the question of life, "what is it I am doing?", "what is my life my goal?" and the sort, even when the more major things in life has been satisfied. Or atleast the most premitive needs...
Of course there are some of us who are forever unhappy due to the pure fact that they compare their situations with others, who have abit more of something then us... whatever that may be. And then there are those who are forever searching for another step. That is, after you build a foundation, you need steady pillars and then right walls, the a good ceiling and paint, furniture...

It can be good if this is a positive stress, to further yourself in life, to have something to put your energy towards in your life.
It can be a bad thing, if you are insatiable and always unhappy with whatever that is given to you.

Then again, its one thing to want something and another to question the things you have right now or the situation you are in... such as examining the relationship you have right now, it is related in the sense that when you question, alot of the time you can be unsatisfied with your situation and want better things.

Can I get any service around here??!!

Ok, I know it is always good to generalize with the few experience you have, but seriously, based not only on my experience but those of people around me, the Dutch really have to look up the word "service" in their dictionary.

People who are working in the "services sector" have no idea what they are getting paid for around here.
Just a few things you must remember about services in the Netherlands.

Firstly, you must serve them, they own you, not the other way around.
When I started working in the research institute, I have asked our secretary to provide me with a key, a desk and asked her to get some stuff for me.
Of course not only did she not get them, she did not even reply to my request. I was talking to a wall. It was clear that she was not there to help me at all. I had to get everything I needed myself.
I was told later that she is an "office manager" and you have to serve her as a superior to get ANYTHING done.

Secondly, do not think they will be courteous or just plain nice.
I have heard so many times how foreigners got offended by someone at the counter or someone who were supposed to serve them. I myself as well. I had my bank guy smash his fist on the table and shout, because the central computer system was down and he decided I was the closest thing he can set his anger upon. My friend was told to "fuck off" by a shop clerk in Albert Heijn, the biggest supermarket chain in the Netherlands, just because she asked her if she can use her air miles and why not. She asked for the manager, and the manager had told my friend, that their clerk was having a bad day so she should understand this, and ofcourse go fuck off.

I was also snickered at because I had stood in line without getting served for ten minutes(there were three lines that one person had to serve and she kept forgetting our line for the fourth time)even if I was the first in line, and asked if I can get one beer. She literally threw it at me.
Today I got a phone call from the services sector of an airline, low grumpy voice asking me to give them a new credit card number because the one I gave them didn't fall through. After I told them I don't feel too comfortable giving it out on a phone, especially because I cannot be sure if it is the actual airline, she yelled "then go and cancel the flight!". I asked if there was any other way, she told me there wasn't. I later found out, all I needed to do really was to call my bank and ask them if the charges have been made and let them make it, by topping up my credit.
A guy in a shop just turned his back towards me waving me off like a fly because I wanted batteries and he didn't have.
Should I go on? no.. there is just too much.

Thirdly, don't expect them to give you information, and even if they give it to you, don't trust it. Most of them will not even bother to give you the information, such as my secretary who has kindly not told me anything about the frindge benefits I can get at the institute even with serveral requests because she just cannot be bothered withit.
I also ended up paying 40 euros for my phone connection, when I have specifically asked the guy who was signing us up if there was that connection fee, and he said no. I asked again, saying I've heard from people that there was a fee, he told me again and again there wasn't.. well there goes my 40 euros.
Also I have asked if I can get a refund for a train ticket I didn't use and wanted to get refunded. I asked if I can get a refund for the tickets, showing her the ticket, and the person behind the information counter said yes, and gave me a form. Later on, I found out I couldn't. I think they just answer you yes or no, because they don't want to go in detail about it. Its something like "let's just give the foreigner a short reply.. Don't' matter if it is right or wrong".

For similar reasons I was sent back and forth to different cities when I was trying to get my visa, cuz people just didn't tell me exactly where I needed to go, or what process I needed to go through, but kept sending me to another person, in another city which is atleast an hour by train and bus, who tells me I was supposed to be in another place another city to get what I needed, ofcourse this is after waiting for an hour to talk to this person.

Also it takes them forever to do things. My friend had something wrong with her laptop. She asked to get it repaired - had warranty on it. They took it a couple of weeks after she had requested it, took it for a couple of months just to tell her that they do not have the part that they need to fix it and that they will send it back after three weeks. Great.

If you call the 0900 service lines, they will hang up on you....After making you wait 30 minutes. Had that happen several times. First they pick up, after hearing "alles onze medewerkers zijn in gesprek een ogenblijk alsublief".. which means, all our workers are busy, one moment please... for about 10~20minutes (which the call cost 30 euro cents per minute on top of the normal fee). And then when you start talking in English, they pretend to forward the call to someone, and then you wait again for another 10 minutes or so, and then you hear the sound of the phone being disconnected... Happened so many times, not only to me but others.. am so used to it that everytime I speak to someone, I plea to them not to hang up on me.

There are other things, but I think I have made myself clear. Should I go on further?
HOwever, I have talked to my Dutch friend about this, and was told that it is not because of the fact that I was a foreigner, they are like that to everyone. So here is another cultural SHOCK.

Life as a non-smoker

Ok.. its now been 6 weeks since my last cigarette.
It has been good and all but it had to go.
Well actually I've only stopped smoking cuz I was sick for two weeks and couldn't smoke and thought, well if I lasted this long, maybe I can go further.
Also I wanted to know how much of the anxiety and nervousness was actually due to nicotine withdrawal symtoms.
Whichever the case, it was hard in the beginning, especially because you feel like you've lost a big part of yourself.
Smoking is not just a habit, it is a culture!
You have "smoking buddies" "smoker's jokes" all the gimmicks that has to do with smoking, the way you hold your ciggy to the way you blow out your smoke.
It takes time and effort to get it just right. To make smoking your own. To Own it.
Well.. to loose that, that culture that "coolness" those "buddies"... the one thing that had stuck with you all throughout your past ten years, the good times and bad..It was like you main support system and your companion when you're alone.
In other words you go through not only the physical withdrawls but the emotional and psychological.

But I've managed and now feel like "a non smoker" which is strange because I have always been not too keen on non smokers and non drinkers. Its like you hate couples when you're single and then you have a girl/boy friend and you feel like you've crossed the line. Because I am quite a loyal person, it feels like I have betrayed my smokers' group. My society, my people.

Well not completely. My familiarity and amiability towards my smokers are still there. I am not and will not be one of those people who will fan the air with their hands when smokes come their way, I will gladly inhale my serving of second hand smoke. I will not tell smokers that it is bad for them, on the contrary I had hell of a time during my withdrawal period, so I suggest they don't quit until they really want to torture themselves. I don't think smoking is disgusting or bad (okay I must admit that after I stopped smoking I've realized all my clothes don't stink any more)nor should smokers be casted out of society.

Let's just say I have become a non practicing smoker. But my heart is still you y'all.

EF flexicurity blog

Its amazing how the more "Beaurocratic-ish" organizations adapt to the current changes of the world.. media world more or less.
Whichever the case, The European Foundation for the Improvement of Living and Working Condition ( yes this is one name), which is a policy generator/research group for the European Commission (who I am currently working for as a contractor for two projects), has made their own blog.
Well not their blog, but one on flexicurity.

They publish some interesting articles on flexibility and security, which in other words is flexicurity. Its worth checking out, that is if you are interested in this topic.. which I know there are only a handfull of us IN THE WORLD...

http://flexicurity.blogspot.com

your's truely's paper is also up on the web.. god know how, but still.