Big city and all this excitement

I am from a city of 20 million inhabitants.
Well having said that I have lived in 5 different countries and 6 different cities so I can't say i am just from that city.
Let me share the size of the cities I've lived in.
(current population due to that I do not have info on the past population)
24,472(10,421) thousand, 3,424 thousand, 743thousand, 448thousand, 203thousand

now: 755 thousand

However, until recently I've lived in the 203 thousand city. And I felt, really I cannot live here, or more like I cannot breathe here. Its a city where everyone joked around saying its one of the ugliest cities in the country I live in, as well as being dead. To be completely honest, this wasn't all that true. IF you looked around you could find nice areas in the place as well as finding things to do there, such as going to live gigs, theater and etc. However, whatever I did, I did not feel home, nor was I able to find people I could really connect to. Life was utterly boring. Life was giving me no incentives to really live. This may have to do with the fact that the people around me were all of a certain type- same jobs and same hobbies. Mostly people involved themselves in work, casual drinking and sports. don't get me wrong here, they are all lovely people whom I called friends.
But then again there was something missing. Some inevitable hollowness I felt in life. The feeling of slowly dying... my inner self fading away each day... a fire inside me was in the verge of extinguishment.

Having moved back into a big city, not to say it is a very big city, only about twice the size of the district I live in when I was growing up, I feel there is a difference. Something about the people, who refuse to just live life as normal human beings. Somewhat struggling to find some more meaning in life. Refusing to just take part in the rat race of life. Or it could also be that they had to find some sort of significance of their lives to make a mark in the big city where everyone looks and live the same. To show to the world that, wait hold on, here I am. That one has to find its own uniqueness, meaning to survive, or else would be wiped away in the stream of mass.
I'm not saying all big city folks are unique and all smaller city folks are just the same ol' people with no true characteristics. However, the variety you get in the bigger city is just bigger and no, not proportionately. Also there are just more opportunities in the city. Just something about the place that makes one think there is soo much to live for and do. I feel alive again, like the inner senses that have been dead are slowly waking up to search for what I can do. Ofcourse one has to always be aware of getting carried away by the façade of it all. However, in the masquerade of big city life, one needs to, gets an opportunity to find, make one's own mask. And that is good enough for me.

The boyfriend vibrator

Many say women like sex just because of the emotional connection it brings.
Well here is the perfect thing for those "hypothetical" women
The boyfriend vibrator...
All that emotional connection with just two AA batteries!



Ofcourse it comes with the downside of boyfriends as well...

The Question: what is idleness....

In (Korean) Budism, there is something called a "wha doe"(화두: 話頭).
This can be translated, literally as the (first) question/topic of conversation.
However, its true meaning is the question, mostly concerning life, you have in your head for a long time to reach a state of knowledge/nirvana. The Vipassana method of meditation per se.

I, not of my own choosing really, sometimes have this question in my head, which stays for a long time. The interesting thing is that when I have such a question, it is as if life decide to give me examples related constantly, so I can learn from them or see things in different perspective. (Amy Tan in her TED talk, talks about how this happens to her)

anyhow, this time the question is life, the speed of life, competition, winning and being lazy.

This weekend, my time was spent on the song "something important".
The main message of the song, no the main question of the song is, are you doing something important right now, and by the way what is important and why on earth do we ask this question to begin with?

I think this started with the fights I had with my boyfriend, which had much to do with him being slow and I trying to finish things in a rapid manner and getting stressed if they are done as such. Then the question was, why do I have to do this like such?
Similarly the other problem was that he didn't pursue some things hard enough, that he didn't really give his 100%... didn't try his best to save money, didn't work hard enough to achieve something etc...
all of which is vehemently argued against by Bertrand Russell in his (short) essay In Praise of Idleness.

It is the question of why am I running? where am I running towards and what then?

I think I used to be very competitive. Although I do not want to reinforce any stereotypes that exist in this world since there are too many as they are, living as an Asian American girl, in Texas, I think it really comes with the territory. You are driven to be competitive, and well the problem was that most of the time, without really trying hard, you were better than most people... well in the things that mattered, such as maths :-P.
This competitive edge did not decrease any bit when I came back to Korea. The only thing that changed was that art and music was taken out of the competition category.
Even later on in life, when I wasn't competing on special issues, the idea that I am very able and have all the potentials in the world, just that I am not diligent enough to follow up on them, an idea jammed in to my head constantly by my parents, and later on by myself made me nervous just enough to think I have to win.
Then came the question, what was this I had to win?
The other thing was hey do I really have that ability?
last question being, do I really want to win to begin with.
Many of these question came in waves due to various experiences.

One of which was my father's manner in which he lived and his inability to achieve what he and his environment thought was an obvious course for him to take.
He, being one of the elite of the elite, graduated from the best high school(back in his days they had to take tests to get in to good high schools), top of the class, went into the best university highest scoring department as the top, graduated as one, passed the civil servant test in a high score, was the director of a Korean economic planning bureau at a very early age etc.
Every one expected him to be a minister of economic affairs or atleast labour at atleast on point in his career. His shining career however was not meant to be, due to various reasons some of which was of his own fault, may it have been directly or indirectly, others chance of luck or in his case, bad luck and well mostly bad politics.
However, to this day I know that he is still waiting for everything to fall back into place and so that he can take on his rightful place in the government.

The problem is, the more I look, I feel like that the only reason he wants to take place in the government ministry, is not (only) because of the purpose of bettering Korea, the world, society etc, but it is the only game he knows how to play and he can't stop playing.

I do not say this in a condescending manner. I myself believe that I also am a victim of such single mindedness.

===========================
Originally written at the 26th of August 2008.
Just realised that I didn't write for such a long time, so am putting this up.
will add more to it later on...

Living in the present

About a tribe in Brazilian rainforest called the "Pirahã"

"Thirty years of living with the Pirahã has taught Everett that they exist almost completely in the present. Absorbed by the daily struggle to survive, they do not plan ahead, store food, build houses or canoes to last, maintain tools or talk of things beyond those that they, or people they know, have experienced. They are the "ultimate empiricists".

"If anything, they are superior in many ways to us. Thinking too much about the future or worrying too much about the past is really unhealthy. The Pirahã taught me that very lesson. Living in the moment is a sophisticated way to live. I don't see depression. I don't see some of the things that afflict our society - and that's not because they don't face pressures."

Missionaries and government officials see Pirahã society as poor and seek to help by giving them money and modern technology. "The Pirahã aren't poor. They don't see themselves as poor," he says. He believes capitalism and religion are manufacturing desires. "One of the saddest things I've seen in Amazonian cultures is people who were self-sufficient and happy that now think of themselves as poor and become dissatisfied with their lives. What worries me is outsiders trying to impose their values and materialism on the Pirahã."
"

From "The power of speach" - Guardian 10th Nov

On greatness

"I have a great drive to be mediocre
but not even a mediocre drive to be great"

reply:
"(if everyone had wanted to be great)... then we would live in a world full of disappointments"

"I strive to be great in my overall life, not at one thing but at many things at once so it accumulates into great life full of various achievements"

- 1st November 2008

Playgirls

I've written about porn for women and about what is sexually attractive for women and what other's have said is/should be attractive but here is a something like... hmm
play boy for women. Its called "Tighty whitie dude" which contains photos of men (with great bodies) in tighty whities.. ofcourse.
the site contains mostly underwear commercials thus " does NOT contain any nudity or adult content"... (depending on who asks)

some samples...






YUM!

I am genuinely scared of Palin and the republicans that put her up there...(and those who support her)

Okay
I am not really into too much politics. being a labour market researcher, I do keep up to date on policy changes and party's view on labour market, family and some economic policy issues. However, I am not too up to date on the day to day soap opera of politics this world has. YES I do believe most of this politics issue is just soap opera for some.
Anyhow most any of us interested in politics in the slightest bit, knows about the nominee McCain campaign voted as his running mate. Sarah Palin. I do not need to post up all of her no-she-did-not-just-say-that videos.
but here are some classics, that really out does even yes... monkey boy, Bush Jr.



and by Keith Olbermann


and then the VP debate yesterday.
*you can see the whole debate with this link


Okay. in comparison to this, she did better in the vice presidential debate.
BUT only because she remembered a few sentences she can shout out at any given time she did not want to answer to any of the questions given to her.
She referred back to Energy issues four times throughout the debate as well as keep repeating her "track record" many of which are not true or are half truths.
Also you can see that her "answers" are just words, none of which consists more than three syllables - third grade level words, that do not mean ANY THING! Especially in the beginning. The only word apparently she knows (also how to pronounce) is Maverick. Joe Biden pwns her at the end of the debate where he points out actually Mc Cain never was a Maverick on the hard issues that mattered.

Okay enough of my analysis. All I want to say is that I can see how the Republican party works. They wanted to put that ignorant woman who has no qualification nor the brain, heart capacity of being anything near VP on so people can relate. However, seeing what she does apparently the Republicans believe that the "average American" is someone who is ignorant and cannot comprehend any of the truth or reality of society told in a concrete factual manner. Palin speaks especially in the beginning of the debate as if she is addressing kindergarten children who does not understand long coherent sentences. The whole debate looked like that, a third grader discussing with a public policy/political science graduate student. The third grader just calling the grad student mean/bad person without any evidence and throwing tantrums in between.

Any one who supports Palin should go get some education and think hard... do we want a society where we are lead by incompetent, ignorant people with no knowledge of how society/politics/international relations works JUST because that is how many other citizens are like?? do we really want our society to fall into something like that of our lowest common denominator? and mediocrity?

Here is a newweek article that supports what I thought is the case. How the approach of "Palin being on the ticket because she is able connects with everyday Americans" is just something we cannot have..

God piss in my breakfast cereal

I don't believe in god... well not usually, although I can be considered antagonistic.
I only believe in GOD's existence when it decides to take a long hard piss towards my way.

30th September 2008... raining raining raining

"This film has not been rated"

A movie about the MPAA (Motion Picture Association America) film rating system and how the government and the big corporate industries are controlling what is being shown in media.
Nothing too shocking but something that really gets you thinking.
The most important point this movie takes is how the rating system is a monopoly system where there can be no other rating. Also how sex is considered bad while violence is allowed. Also how the the MPAA is essentially blocking the independent movie makers to distribute their work from even to be seen through ridiculous rating systems.

Whichever the case, it is interesting to listen to all the directors who has gotten the NC 17 rating for their movies, why it was the case . most of which is ridiculous...

Stay at home dad

As family norms, gender norms change more and more men are allowed and take the opportunities to stay home with their children. In most countries, men are allowed to share the parental leave given from 3months up to 3 years with the mothers. Also in many countries, such as Sweden, Denmark there are leaves that are ear-marked for men.(which means that they loose this benefit when they do not take it up).
This trend makes it easier for us to spot men with buggies alone on week day afternoons, doing shopping. Also men with young toddlers playing on the play ground on weekdays.
Anyhow, Jon la Joie wrote a song just for these daddies who stay at home and take care of their children.. quite hilarious, using heavy metal as the medium. However, the fact of being a stay at home dad? It will become more and more common... no joking matter.