Ok.. its now been 6 weeks since my last cigarette.
It has been good and all but it had to go.
Well actually I've only stopped smoking cuz I was sick for two weeks and couldn't smoke and thought, well if I lasted this long, maybe I can go further.
Also I wanted to know how much of the anxiety and nervousness was actually due to nicotine withdrawal symtoms.
Whichever the case, it was hard in the beginning, especially because you feel like you've lost a big part of yourself.
Smoking is not just a habit, it is a culture!
You have "smoking buddies" "smoker's jokes" all the gimmicks that has to do with smoking, the way you hold your ciggy to the way you blow out your smoke.
It takes time and effort to get it just right. To make smoking your own. To Own it.
Well.. to loose that, that culture that "coolness" those "buddies"... the one thing that had stuck with you all throughout your past ten years, the good times and bad..It was like you main support system and your companion when you're alone.
In other words you go through not only the physical withdrawls but the emotional and psychological.
But I've managed and now feel like "a non smoker" which is strange because I have always been not too keen on non smokers and non drinkers. Its like you hate couples when you're single and then you have a girl/boy friend and you feel like you've crossed the line. Because I am quite a loyal person, it feels like I have betrayed my smokers' group. My society, my people.
Well not completely. My familiarity and amiability towards my smokers are still there. I am not and will not be one of those people who will fan the air with their hands when smokes come their way, I will gladly inhale my serving of second hand smoke. I will not tell smokers that it is bad for them, on the contrary I had hell of a time during my withdrawal period, so I suggest they don't quit until they really want to torture themselves. I don't think smoking is disgusting or bad (okay I must admit that after I stopped smoking I've realized all my clothes don't stink any more)nor should smokers be casted out of society.
Let's just say I have become a non practicing smoker. But my heart is still you y'all.