Thursday, December 13, 2007

(Dutch )secretaries

Here in the Netherlands, being an office support staff is not a position where you serve others. No, on the contrary it is a position where you can order people around, since you have the information and the keys to office supplies.
I've written something similar about the dutch services before, but let me just add a bit more.
First of all, after having adjusted to the system here more since I've lived here for two years, I was able to "adapt" to their slow manner and impoliteness.
However, one thing I didn't know or forgot maybe was that you should never accuse them of not doing their job remotely wrong or bad. They will just make your life more miserable.

Ex) I have e-mailed our secretary who is in charge of faculty graduate issues to answer a very short list of questions which were needed for a meeting 2 weeks later. One week later, after no response I wrote back, nicely- i.e. please, if it isn't too much of a bother, many thanks in advance etc - to answer it back, and asked if she was alright. No answer and tomorrow being the meeting I went downstairs, to see she is chatting away with colleague.
I ask her if she got the e-mail and she says yes, and I ask her why she hasn't replied, she tells me it isn't her job to answer every single e-mail, and it wasn't something she could answer anyway. I told her it was two weeks ago and two e-mails and I asked her specifically if it wasn't her duty to forward it to someone else, which would've took 30 seconds. She goes, well I was sick and the sort, and I don't like you speaking to me like that. I ask her, well I have a meeting tomorrow with nothing. she starts to get really upset and trying to cry and kicks me out of the office. (in between that somewhere I asked her if it wasn't her job to facilitate the people at the graduate school - she answered "yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah...")

I feel like I am dealing with a small infant, who cries all the time and pisses you off but you have to be very gentle with, or else you will pay for it, i.e. getting nothing done- which I will not be surprised if this would be the case from now on.

All in all, I have no clue what they do- seriously- but whatever it is, it ain't to facilitate people's work.
Maybe it is hiding valuable information in which none of us other workers are not capable of handling. Then again, this reminds me alot like the secretary - Carol- from Dilbert. so maybe it's a secretary thing not specifically a Dutch secretary thing- having said this my experience with Scottish/English/German/Korean secretaries are to the contrary.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Fuck... is it the end of the year already???

Is it me or is the time just flying by?
I mean I've heard it already, how when you are a little child because you haven't lived that many days up to that point, a day relatively seems long, where as when you are my age, - of a certain age, because you are comparing it to a longer phase of life, it just seem much shorter.

1 day for a 5 year old = 1/1825 of his life
where as 1 day for a 30 year old is 6 times faster..
which means 1 hour feels like 10 minutes. a week feels like a day, and birthdays just come like every second month or something!

And seriously, this is becoming ridiculous!
I am getting to the point where before I get used to writing down a year, 2007 for example, it passes, and I have to get used to writing down a new year!

I can't imagine what life will be when I am sixty... it will be twice as fast as now, which means, it will be literally, after I eat breakfast it will be dinner time, and well celebrating birthdays will feel a bit redundant.

Anyhow, for me, after the speed of life increase to a point where I can't control, I have started to keep my expectations of what I can do in a given day abit low. I mean like I feel like to wake up take a shower brush teeth take a dump and have three meals, get back in bed seems like an achievement on its own given the short time we have to do all of this! I mean if I manage to do anything on top of this, like floss for example, that day has been productive. No, I don't feel like I am a lazy person, who dilly dally all day. On the contrary, I am swift and agile- well I thought to be like that but these days, I don't know.

Looking around a bit on this idea of time and age, I realized that it isn't a new thing at all.(of course)
Well we have first of all, the all so famous relativity of time by Mr One Stone.... Einstein.
In his theory of General Relativity and more specifically Gravitational time dilation it is said that time pass at different rates in regions of different gravitational potential. Which means that we as adults being further away from earth than younglings, we feel that time passes much faster. (no just kidding) it is actually about if you were to be in a space ship which travels in the speed of light, what you perceive as a day will be like a year to the person left on earth because you are in that ultra super fast ship- and a different gravitational potential(here is a simple easy to understand description of this). So in these terms, when we are kids we are in space ships, which for them a minute feels like a hour for us. This is why kids move crazy fast and for us seem restless, since their lives are speed up 5 times more than what it is for us. But don't worry they all end up coming back to earth times eventually.

The psychological perception of time and its relativity to age has also been tested and proved by a group of researchers[this paper]. Through survey/experimental studies, they prove that the perception of the speed of time does indeed increase as you grow older. Also in addition to this, time to be speeding up as the Earth we live in gets older as well. In other words, we as in the people who live in current times, feel that time is much faster than people felt in the past.

Of course the validity of this argument and its methods are fully up to yous. But I would imagine you will not disagree with me on the point that time is flying by .. and well what do you know, there goes another five minutes of your life.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

WIFI like air should be free

As the use of internet becomes a necessity of life and our reliance on it increases, I believe that people should have the right to free internet access when ever and where ever they are, just as our right for clean water or clean air. It should be a public good, provided by the state as our main basic items for life. It should be free I would say, and well for the technicalities I haven't figured it out yet.

There has been some movement towards this, found in many university where you have free wireless access throughout the university campus, but also now in cities and countries.
It has been anounced that the city of Luxembourg - which is the capital of Luxembourg will provide free wireless internet throughout its land free of charge for its 75 thousand citizens and 125 thousand commuters by the end of 2008. They have projected that this project would cost approximately six million euros.
(see this article for more detail)
The city of Leiden also has an open wireless network since 2002 and many cities are now trying to plan such projects.

Whichever the case, this shows us the trend towards making internet like air.. a necessity for all.

Friday, November 23, 2007

A way to fight low fertility issues

As a sociologist dealing with policy issues, labour markets and the sort- haha! my identity has finally been revealed!! - since the beginning of my studies - which was god knows when - dealt with the issue of low fertility rates across all industrialized countries, and the governments' strategies in tackling this problem.

One thing that has not been done, which was an idea I was toying with was the opposite of the child allowance- which is ran in most countries either through tax reduction for parents with children, or through flat rate benefits given out - we can tax the singles, or slash the singles - which is actually the same thing, flip side of the coin.

In the companies we can always discriminate against singles... as shown in the Dilbert comic below.

Ofcourse I am not serious about this, I mean like I would be the first in line to be discriminated against here, but it is an idea....

Sunday, November 18, 2007

surreal life needs a surreal experience

I know I am not the only one.
I know you, especially you who are over 30 or are leaning close to it, and have lived in several different places throughout your life time have had the same experience as I did, and still do.
Maybe you, all of you, we feel the same.

Life is surreal

More and more I feel like my life is screened in front of me, very closely whilst detached. I am a mere spectator without any power to intervene.

No, it does not mean that I am invisible and feel non-existent in this world, which may or may not really exist.
It means that life does not feel real, life lost its weight its tangible feeling.

Life becomes ever so precarious and frivolous while all things that were thought to be constant looses its grounds.
More and more I feel I need to test each and every rule and principle that was taught to me in my preparation for the role as a part of the mass army of proper citizens.

I can only relate to those who are crazy who have gave up on making sense of it all. They are the only people who are real while the others play a role. They are actually the only sane people in this insane circus of life. The others, who are trying hard to live the normal life are the real loonies of this universe.
Like wise, only experiences that are surreal seem real, while as the normal daily routines seem like mere pictures whizzed in front of my face.

I became more and more appreciative of surrealists art, acts and their thoughts and feel these are the people that I can truly relate to. Those that have had the same sensation.

I know I started writing this for a specific reason to get to a point but forgot... as I always to with my absent mind. My life is so surreal that even my brain has left it.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

The race of races....

This is just a little something to add to my Asian men developing larger penis entry.
Three guys, one Caucasian, one African and one Asian racing in various "obstacle courses".....

... two humps and you're done

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

blog blog and more blog

I've just realized now in this blog I have more than 100... 109 to be exact, blog entries. (actually there are 137 entries, its just that there are 28 entries that are written or some of the ideas have been written yet, I have not the chance to finish and publish them)
None of which have tags.
All of which have diverse topics unlike most other blogs, but mostly about sex and penises... no just joking, but however, the word penis, porn and sex do appear quite frequently-- do a search if you want to see.

I am thinking of tagging my entries to have this in a more organized manner. However, how do you tag blogs? What is the key word? Do you have a set list of words you can use, i.e. sex, penis, blog, beauty, Asia, etc.. but things you can't use, such as a, the, life, society, (two for being redundant and the other two for being too broad and abstract)??

Is there a guideline for tagging? Laws of tagging?
Wikipedia provides definition and examples of tagging here.

Anyways so how do one tag? can we only use nouns? how about verbs? how abstract can one be? what is the optimal number of tags per blog entry???


Post script:..
I've just realized how diverse my blog entries are, and think many people may find it quite irritating, since it isn't focusing on one topic.
I feel like the entries should be divided into three blogs
1) sex, porn, penises and love
2) quotes thoughts and other brain activities
3) me, myself and my everyday life and other boring issues

ofcourse I will not do this. why you ask? because I am not even able to organize my life right now, let alone this blog. For now I will keep it the way it is... also its quite clear that there isn't and won't be any complaints on this matter anyhow

3D Korean Beauty

Long ago, I've written a blog entry on Asian beauty vs. beautiful Asians. This is actually the most hit entry on this entire blog, god knows why. It was about how we Asians consider western features more beautiful than what one would consider Asian features, while in the west, or other non-Asian countries the typical Asian features are considered exotic and beautiful. How strange it was for us to consider our distinctive facial characteristic as being bland or just plain ugly while considering the features that are westernized- Caucasian that is, to be pretty, beautiful. Especially when it is been said that we usually consider things we are used to more pretty than things which are alien to us.

My theory on how Asians consider Westernized, Caucasian features more beautiful than Asian, or Korean in this case, features have been proven to be true once again through this photos/pictures a website in Korea has published on "the perfect 3D beauty".

As you can see this is a face not of an Asian, but well maybe abit middle eastern. The laws of beauty in Korea are found- as I've already noted in my previous blog entry- big round eyes with double eyelids, pointy nose, small white face, small lips, rounder, curvy face- as in flat face as we Koreans usually have as we can see in the traditional masks. The thing is now with enhanced plastic surgery methods and whitening products, many girls actually look like this. Also this face was actually based on couple of famous Korean actress, Young-ae Lee which resembles this 3D beauty, especially the first picture, and Tae-hee Kim.

There is also a male version of the perfect beauty, which really looks like a gay middle eastern man- which from the Iranian President's speech in the US last month, does not exist in Iran. Anyhow, the same principles adhere here, big eyes, sharp nose, but unlike the women abit tanned.

Whichever the case, these pictures show how we really hate our original features of small single eyelid eyes, flat nose, flat face and all. Which I have to say is a well chosen facial features of some of the world wide known Asian super models. However, having said all this and many times, even I myself do find the rounder more bigger eyes with a more curvy facial features attractive maybe due to my socialization in Korea, maybe other reasons. However, the more I see these faces, it does seem like everyone looks the same- the same plastic surgery methods - and seem to lack any real character in their faces.

So in conclusion, to make my eyes and perception change along with those of my fellow Koreans and other Asians, I would really like to see some real Korean feature beautiful faces on screens, magazines etc because I do believe there are as much beauty in these faces, no even more beauty due to the character it holds. If distributed widely and frequently enough, I think the perception of what is beautiful will change after awhile. This in the longer run will do wonders in improving the self image Korean women will have on themselves of considering their natural state beautiful not something that needs to be augmented. but of course will bring bad business to plastic surgeons.

The sad thing is unfortunately this process will probably be done by Western Media and not by Koreans, the same way Zen interior design or Yoga became popular back again in Asian countries only after it became a hit in the US market or in European countries. We need others to tell us we are beautiful because we can't see it in ourselves(which is the point I've made in the previous blog).
Another thing that frustrates me from this beauty conception is that we as in the Asian societies do not have the diversities to have several types of perception of beauty and form one set norm, well at least in Korea. For it is not that I think the 3D beauty is ugly or anything, no, but it is one thing to consider that beautiful and another to consider ONLY that beautiful. We serious need diversified looks, norms and beauties.

Of course having said all this, I know our societies are changing and that our societies are dynamic where even norms change as quickly as the fashion fads. Another good news is the increasing diversification of the racial composition of Korea, where now it boasts 2% of its population of being foreign born or migrants. As social composition becomes diversified I expect, project that our conception of what is beautiful and what isn't will change as well. Or maybe not, maybe we will always look at "Westerners (서양인)" and envy their good looks compared to ours, despising our parents as well as our ancestors for giving us such unfashionable looks.

Charlie Brooker on breaking up with yourself

"I am single... Who am I supposed to slowly fall out of love with? I can't slowly poison my relationship with myself. Or can I?"

= Charlie Brooker, Guardian Nov. 5th, 2007.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

long time no post

I haven't been able to post anything up for a long time.
Of course this was not due to the fact that I didn't have anything to say, not quite the opposite. I had several things to say, but little time to polish whatever that was in my head to make something worth while to read.
however, there have been several topics on which I wanted to write about
women and porn
me and my supervisor and the penis incident II
being insatiable
etc etc

The only problem is that I do feel like if I don't write them right when I think of such thoughts, they tend to disappear, I tend to forget them having a brain which has no capacity to add any more information inside itself.

anyhow the ones I can and will remember eventually just wait a bit they are coming.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

happiness and brianlessness

There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time.

Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937), The Last Asset, 1904

I think I've written about this topic several times,like this and this, but generally come to the same conclusions. Do not have any ambitions, be happy. Do not use brain, be happy.
Ofcourse the quote above is abit nihilistic it should be something like,

"enjoy what you have now and forget about how happy you would be only if this or that, then you will be surprised how happy you can be"

To do that we must detach ourselves from our synapses
on a similar note a quote from Ratbert
"My brain is empty, it feels great. Stress is just another word for knowledge!"

Then comes the inevitable question.
Do you choose to think or to be happy?
Can we do both?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

me, my supervisors and the penis incidents

okay, I am not a person who is shy about talking about sexuality or about male genitalia as most of you might have imagined. This doesn't just stop in my blog, but my every day life, where I believe its quite absurd to taboo some topics which is one of human beings most common denominators which binds us all together. Having said this, I have had just way too many incidents where my supervisors have been acknowledged with this fact, strictly against my wishes, due to my clumsiness.

Just today, as I was checking my e-mail the director of this institute I am staying in, which I will keep the name secret, who is also my "supervisor" so to say came in to confirm a meeting we will have this afternoon. One of the mails I've gotten was the mail which was the comment to the "Korean men bigger penises" incident, about gnomes and their sides job as penis measurer. Of course since I had to find a photo of these penis measuring gnomes, I had a window/tab open with gnomes that looked like penises, a tab open with my blog with the entry, and another open with the e-mail containing the comment about penises...
Trying to hide what I am doing during working hours, I first closed the tab with penis shaped gnomes,, Whew... close one. Then I realized that the blog also contained the word penis several times and noticeably... closed it... however to my dismay, the e-mail window I had open was in the same line.. yikes. but too late. the director had seen it, and as most decent scholars would do, just ignored it by stepping back, not looking at the screen, which he had already glimpsed. Here goes my reputation as a scholar.

But I have to say this wasn't the first nor the most embarrassing experience I had

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I realized

That the more work I do, in front of the computer- the more work I need to do because of specific deadlines etc- the more I write on the blog.
Also I realized that most of these blog entries will not be read by anyone other than my two subscribers= hello there!= and myself.
like lost satellites in outer space. its existence is known only to those who put them up there.... and... internet god, google.

excitement of life is constant

Someone once said, "Only people who live boring lives can write good novels, where as people who live exciting lives, live it and not write about it".

The more and more I see people and their lives, I come to the conclusion that there are two main streams of lives, or people.
Those who have exciting jobs, important jobs which they define themselves with and spend most of their energy on, and those who have rather plain jobs or not too exciting jobs and have exciting after job lives.
These people do not define themselves through their jobs, no jobs are only a means to earn money. They define themselves through their hobbies- well for them the word hobby is not sufficient to describe it, more like second job/life.
These people are the semi-amateur musicians, dancers, sport athletes etc.
Their life consists of trying to finish their "day-job" as soon as possible, without straining themselves too much on it, and going to their "night=job" to really live, fulfil their dreams.

Very few gifted actually are able to do both. Also it is not like you are either one person or another, and you can change during your life course.
There is a balance in the world because of this. IF everyone wanted to strive to be their best in the day-jobs, then it would be too much competition, and visa versa.

Of course then there are people who do not do both... they probably have families and can be considered "professional-fathers/mothers or husbands/wives".who strive to be best at this.

whichever the case, life offers many outlets to put your effort and energy into, and even if one person doesn't put in to one thing, it is certain that there is something else they are doing...

So the excitement? well now to think about it, the efforts one puts in to "live life" is constant.. but people divide it into several ways- 1) work 2) after work leisure 3)family. if 1 is big then 2 or 3 becomes small, ...etc.

put it to equation...

Time/excitement(constant)100 = Xw(ork) + Xl(eisure activities) + Xf(amily) + α(time used to waste on internet, games and other stuff)

Xw = 100 - Xl - Xf - α

As Xl Xf increases Xw decrease. Of course there are people where α is the biggest of them all....or some people where α = Xw or α = Xl
The value of the Xs are different for all people...

Friday, October 05, 2007

Great Expectations.

Although this is one of those posting that does not enhance the world of any more information and is just one of my gibberish..
But anyhow, I've decided that I want to do several things before I turn 40... which is quite a long time away looking at this angle, but then again looking at the way the years pass by I think it wouldn't be too long as well.
Whichever the case
the list goes like this, not in specific ranking or order..

1. learn to speak 4 languages fluently- maybe a couple of more in an intermediate level.. I already am bilingual in Korean and English and speak Dutch more or less okay level, I just need to polish that and learn one more- thus achievable.

2. learn how to play the piano- jazz- enough to go to any bar and start playing a tune or start jamming with other musicians. - I know how to play a bit but if I learn more or less the jazz styles, I won't be able to play pro, but enough to just enjoy ...

3. buy a camera- proper one, start taking proper photos... not much effort needed with the exception of that I need to get more info on stuff..

4. join a dance company semi-pro for atleast a year.. probably salsa.. this takes one year. and that I have to postpone doing other things...

5. live in my sixth country...

Yeah yeah, and then there is find someone get married get a child etc... but well sometime I feel that is much harder to achieve than the list above...

one more addition.. learn how to play bass- funk style, lots of slapping and poping.

Monday, October 01, 2007

found it

Many people say that you really find yourself around the ages of 30 or so. That when you are in your twenties you are still unsure of who you are, and your true identity. You go through the whole process of trying this and that and around 30 you find it. You. Also around that time you find your partner. True most people actually find them around the ages of 25 to 30, but well I guess when you find yourself, it is easier to find the person, the style of person you want to be with.

Style wise I found it. Ofcourse this does not mean that I will stick to this for the rest of my life nor that this is the ONLY style I will stick to, but well let's just say this will be my 30s style. And it is.... drum roll please~~~

Acid Jazz. - a London based movement of music - which combines jazz with soul, funk and disco beats, and includes electronic compositions.

I have grown out of my hip hop RnB trousers and now need to get into my new love for Soul/funk flava jazz.. what is called Acid Jazz.

And due to this, or maybe it was the other way around, I am now searching for someone who will fit this style which can be seen in this music video of Jay Kay of Jamiroquai.

okay, I don't know how as a woman you are supposed to dress accordingly. BUT if you find someone like this- Jay Kay that is and no not the characteristics but mostly the looks or the taste in music- please send them to me. Thank you.

Scrap that. Its not Jay Kay, no .. he's to main stream for me.
Its more Gilles Peterson or Ben Westbeech...ish Acid Jazz fellows

Seriously Ben Westbeech's song is to die for and Gilles Peterson is the guru of acid jazz... so I say.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

The posts

I know, the post these days look abit schizophrenic.
Its as if, as there are several many of which conflicting personalities that try to come out of the body of a schizo.. my blog is trying to perform several functions at once. None of which it is performing well I must say.
Whichever the case, I do sincerely apologize for this behavior.

I will try to go back to my semi social reflective sides of my blog and keep it more towards this angle.

You might ask, well is it that you have nothing more to say to the world? or is it that there hasn't been anything that made you think or analyze about? (also sorry for the "american" english, but well my spelling check is apparently turned on to this.)
have you no interesting thoughts on the world? you may ask.. and i would say, no actually I have. Its just that well.. couple of things.
One I have been moving around abit recently and havent really had the time to jot all these things down... other more urgent things that needed to be taken care of.
Secondly, well I am at the phase in life- which is called the Thirties... when you believe you really do not have nothing more to add to the world- well I can't speak for the whole population, but it does come with the age description- as George Orwell also wrote that- not in direct quotes = but that people in their thirties turn to more banal things in life, since they realize that their lives are as normal as your normal John Does.. and well, I agree completely. I mean you may be a world traveler who has had several love affairs with millitent dictators and artists all over the world, written best selling novels and had climbed mount everest, but at the end of the day, well you realize that there are quite a number of you out there, and well you ain't all that special.

Whichever the case, since I have thought of this, I had the feeling that whatever I write on the blog is merely some complaints I have that I couldn't take out in the real world, or just as some facet of my frustrations, which i couldn't take out on my therapist, since I can't find nor afford a decent one and or there aren't other facets I can resort to resolve my urge for expressions. I actually believe this is the case for many blogs we see scattered around the cyber world these days.

To be continued...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Get korean food delivered to your own doorsteps.

It really sucks to live in a city where the Korean population is practically 1 - well actually its more like 10 but who is counting and if I don't know them, they don't count. The biggest problem is not that I can't speak in my "mother tongue" but that I just cannot get Kimchi anywhere! I mean I have to drag my ass to the nearest big city- where there are atleast more than 10 Koreans, to get any decent Korean food. Yes indeed one can get used to not having what one wants, and make do with other things. However, what I chose to do is well, make do and then ask my mummy to send me huge packages, which doesn't work sometime cuz like during summer you just cannot send sth like Kimchi, or anything that may go bad through a post that will take a week!
Anyhow, so I made do.. kept my urge for the red-pickled-present-from-the-gods to a minimum and substituted pickles or zuurkool.

But now, my suffering, and of those who were in the same situation is about to end.
How you ask?
Through internet shopping malls. Why I didn't think of this before, I have no idea.
But anyhow. There is an internet shopping mall based in Germany which delivers Korean food to your doorsteps. Ok, not made but the ingredients.

It is called. K Mall (
and it practically has everything, including like 7 different types of Kimchi. (thank you god)
Okay it is abit pricy, but not more pricy than what you would have to pay at a normal asian supermarket- actually its abit cheaper.
Also, they deliver it for you, so no need to carry massive loads of stuff back home.

The delivery price is about 5 euros for Germany - and if you buy 49 euros or more it's free. And for the rest of Europe, it depends largely on the weight- for Spain and Southern European countries, its so expensive that I think it isn't worth it really. But for the Be.Ne.Lux its 7 euros up to 5 kgs.

Unfortunately it is only in Korean... so for those of you who like to order some Korean stuff and cannot speak Korean.. well get a Korean to do it for you. However those of you in the States you can just easily check out Komart an English online-korean supermarket in english. In german there is however i don't think they have Korean food.

Anyhow happy shopping folks!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Cool parent culture of Prenzlauer

Although the whole of Germany might be struggling with low fertility rates, Berlin, especially Prenzlauerberg an old east Berlin neighborhood known for its alternative lifestyle isn't having any problems in that area.
It has been noted that this area is having a "baby boom", and if you just keep an eye out you do not have to be a statistician or a sociologist to figure that this is indeed true. Even if Berlin is known to have no manufacturing in the city, there is atleast one thing they know how to produce- babies.

Just take a seat in one of the nice trendy cafes and look at the people passing by. Most of them will either be pregnant, with a child or two, or indeed shagging to have one- which my upstairs neighbor apparently is doing every morning.
One of the many maternity clothes shops in Prenzlauerberg- named "Sexy Mama"

Due to that this place is an alternative scene area with hipsters, the parents are not "parent-like". They are hop and groovy like your average single 30ish late 20ish people. It seems as is there has been some fashion fad to have babies as accessories. Ofcourse the children are all dressed in proper alternative fashion- and the baby stores make sure this trend persist. The other thing is there is a specific age group here. The parents are around the ages of late 20s to mid-late 30s. The children are from 0 to 6~7ish. It's hard to find kids above this age and mostly they are 1~2 years old. It seems as if this place was filled with alternative youngsters around the age of mid twenties in the 1990s which grew up, hooked up with each other and now producing second generation cool hipsters. I must say there are several daddies with babies sitting in ice cream parlours which look more like cool cafes for adults rather than having the colurful silly look that are for children that I personally would not have mind hooking up with- with or without baggage.

I've noticed several parents with their buggies proudly strutting with their off springs. I feel like seeing ducks in spring where they strut with their ducklings lined up behind them. They have a way in which in seems "look at what I have achieved. my beautiful-stylish baby"..

A photo shop in Prenzelberg- as you can see there are mostly family photos and also some photos of women pregnant, with tattoos, etc..

So in this respect I myself not having a child and/or pregnant actually feel like the outsider here, where in the rest of the world it is that the parents- now with the little creature they created - usually get excluded from the culture life. Here I feel like I have to press my belly out a bit just to not stand out and look like there is a bun in the oven.. and well let me tell you I really don't even have to try hard for this- it comes more or less natural.

Whichever the case, Prenzlauer Berg makes it seem parenting is just another stage in life which doesn't mean you loose your individuality your previous life style. Its just that it includes a little being with it. This is exactly how it is here. People still go to bars, cafes sub cultural meetings etc just with their children now.

Ofcourse having said this, I still do believe there are sacrifices to be made into parenthood, I mean it essentially mean that you would not have the time and or the energy to do other things that you could've would've done earlier. Such as joining a dance company. If you are one of those people who do not have much aspirations in other things that consume a large amount of your time and energy this may be the option for you.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I must say

I am afraid that...
My appreciation of beautiful men will take me down with a big crash one day...
ah, but how lovely and heart throbbing they are.
especially taken with large quantities of caffeine

Sunday, September 02, 2007

You love me...

You will think I'm amazing when you don't really know me well enough.
You will think I'm awful when you don't really know me well enough.

Those who you don't really know in depth are always great or horrible.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


I always had commitment issues, since I remember.
Well I can't really recall the first time I've realized this but at least in relationships, I always was afraid of taking the plunge.
This extended to something of what we call a long period with no relationships.
I broke this spell, only with a long-distance relationship. Easy enough, no strong commitments needed- he was a sea away..

Whichever the case, after awhile I have realized that it wasn't just guys I had trouble committing to. It was guys, girls- as friends, schools, societies, countries etc.
You can probably see this from the fact that I've managed to move three times in the last three years, taking me from Seoul Korea now to Berlin, Germany.

It may have to do with the fact that I am afraid of making the wrong decision or having made the wrong decision, and the better decision is just around the corner or just was the other option. Always a bit afraid of the outcomes and the consequences, I must say I never really took the plunge. Even when I did, there was something that would've happen that make me take a cautious step back to examine exactly what was happening and then have a slight regret followed by a fear that my life actually was a series of bad judgments and mistakes.

I guess it coincide with my pseudonym "insatiable hee"... that I am never really satisfied by anything. That I always at one side in the good way of putting things, always am searching for something more, but on the other side will not be happy with anything because I will always find something missing or wrong with it. Be ambitious they say, never telling us that this will actually lead to a sociopathic symptom of not being satisfied with anything or anybody.

I think this is what other people who have commitment issues are like more or less and I do not feel my situation is anything special- this feeling of being "the norm" comes with the coming of age where you are comfortable with the fact that you are just a mere copy of others.

Actually having a brief look around the internet for some "commitment issues" "fear of commitment" I got exactly the same description of the symptom come out as the one I've jotted above. *see wikipedia input for "fear of commitment" for this. its exactly what I've just said*
**also see this input from or this

One of the biggest problem for me is that I fear that I do feel like I am handling my CP relatively well, but then again also doubt every and single judgment I make/made more and more, which ends with a big panic attack.

Some example, so, as I mentioned currently am in Berlin and the initial(?) plan was that I stay here for about three months, because I am in a prominent institute with many people who could be of help and well its Berlin, apparently Heaven according to others. The problem is during the 3weeks I am here, I had good times as well but it wasn't all happy go lucky. I must admit several things- such as getting fined by the police for a stupid thing, problems with housing, loosing my passport etc did not help. However, the more important things were doubts about everything such as will I really like this place? or how about my inability to speak the language, wouldn't that be a obstacle which will stop me from doing anything??? etc etc
So I do feel like I want to go back to the Netherlands, yes back to what I perceive as a love-hate relationship or in other aspects I feel as a "violent" relationship. Atleast there was familiarity. I have friends there, a stable home and I more or less speak the language. It feels like I agreed on a contract with some one, to have a three months relationship, leaving my husband for those period. The new guy is cool stylish etc etc. The only problem is that we have tough time communicating and well, we are not used to each other, and its taking much more time than I thought to get used to him. Yeah, no sex as well, not that I was getting any in my older relationship. And the more I go into this new relationship I keep seeing the good aspects of my old.. I mean it wasn't that bad we had good times and I must say the familiarity aspect becomes more and more important as you grow older. It is as if your ability to adapt to new things decrease as you age and as well as your excitement for new things.

So what is the solution to all this?? The only problem is that although the symptoms of commitment issues were clear cut, I couldn't find any decent resolutions for this phobia, the ones I got were all advertisements for some psycho-therapy method. Some of the more helpful ones I've found actually were on how you should really give up on the hopes of finding "true-love" and "the one" and realize relationships are efforts! another one was more helpful, saying maybe its not really your false beliefs but more due to the fact that you are not true to yourself in the beginning of the relationship.
And even better a Stuart Jefferies article on commitment phobias!

Whichever the case, despite the fear that I am turning this in to a self-help info providing site, I think there are some things you can do to get rid of your CP.

First is to make a fu*king choice, and don't fear that this would be the wrong choice. One thing I've learned is that in most cases there aren't any Best choices- with the exception of those that are made by C-net.

Second is to try not to freak out when something bad/unexpected or something along the lines happen. I mean it is bound to happen, and it was stupid of you to have thought it wouldn't happen. But the thing is, it is NOT the END OF THE WORLD! you can always "change" the situation or try to solve it someway... and always remember NO ONE/ NOTHING / NO PLACE is perfect.

Which brings me to the third, try to find the good parts of your choice. As there can be bad things- compared to that of what you were expecting or were used to before, there is bound to be something nicer as well.

Lastly, try to give your self a little time frame. In other words, this is not going to be the choice that has to stick with you your whole life- with the exception of very few. I mean you can go back to the other choice- but give yourself or that choice a chance for...well some specified time you choose yourself or is given to you. For example, am in Berlin for three months, and I know that what ever happens, I mean like I will only be here for three months. What is three months out of my long life yeah?
Also remember when you realize that you will be leaving the place/person soon- it always seem better!

I have to say despite all this, I myself have not really been able to over come the problems of CP. Although I am now conscious of the problem and trying to fight it. HOwever, it does become a problem when you end up making yourself stick to a choice just to over come the phobia of commitment when it was really a bad choice. But then again, it is almost impossible to conclude that something is/was a bad choice.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Love and longing

Sometimes I have the feeling that I am incapable of love, but have the infinate ability to long for someone who has left or cannot be taken.

Maybe its a defence mechanism from the fear of getting invloved. Getting hurt, falling in love, falling out.

Look but do not touch.
Long but do not love.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

The devil made me do it....arg...actually it was my unconsciousness

An article in the The New York Times describes how we are driven to do things by our unconscious choices, as much as our behaviors and choices are made consciously.
In other words, many of the behaviors that we do are done as a part of our unconscious decision, but indeed a decision made by ourselves. Its just that we as in our conscious selves have no clue what had just happened.
It also shows how sometimes our consciousness only realizes what had happened after it passed or has been done, while on the other hand, our unconscious instinctual selves have already made a decision recognized it and reacted. What is more fascinating is that the unconscious reactions/behaviors work more or less the same way our conscious self does.
Such as
"unconscious goal persists with the same determination that is evident in our conscious pursuit".

What does this mean?
Does this mean that we have two selves but only have control of one?
Is the unconscious self me? Although you are the one who build it up, though not knowingly, is it autonomous from your control? Is it something you just have to live with? Can we change our unconscious self if our conscious self doesn't like it?
Well on that matter the article notes, quote by Dr. Bargh...(humbug)

"Using subtle cues for self-improvement is something like trying to tickle yourself, priming doesn’t work if you’re aware of it."

Ah... see now here is another idea. So there is nothing you can do about it, and maybe it is just something you don't and never had control over. Then we can even use it to our advantage, saying although my conscious self is this angel who is right, just, kind friendly etc. etc., it is my unconscious being that makes me fool around.
It is my unconscious self that say mean things to you, pout and make rude jokes.
See it wasn't me... it was the devil.. .. I mean my unconscious self.

Which reminds me of a column by Charlie Brooker of the Guardian of how there is "morning guy" "night guy" "procrastinating guy" "snack guy" "booze guy" "snooze guy" "smoking guy"... that all come out at different points of the day or times of his life and act as independent beings which he has no control of. The best of these is what he called the "Erection guy" whose sole purpose is to relieve of his erection and who will do anything for this.. and which makes problems for the the more cool headed rational and more moral? "morning guy" to clean up the day after..

Erection Guy will lie, mislead, cajole, persuade and even beg if necessary. And the closer he gets to his objective, the more demented and demeaning he'll become - until the Mission Accomplished sign lights up, and he abruptly vanishes, leaving his owner back on Earth, blinking and somewhat embarrassed, like a volunteer in a stage hypnotist's act who's just been finger-clicked awake to discover they've been impersonating a chicken for the past 10 minutes. Erection Guy doesn't deal with the immediate aftermath. He never volunteers to go and get a bit of tissue. He simply goes back into hibernation, leaving you to make faintly disinterested small talk for a few minutes until Snooze Guy shows up to hammer your eyelids shut.

Excuse me but my "have to work gal" is calling....

Friday, July 27, 2007

funny show!

Translation: the world's WCDMA's frequency is 2Gbites
the song: show times show is show! show times show is show! ... continues...
voice:seven out of ten people sign up for show!- (which I think is a video/TV thing you can watch in your phone)

Funny.. I wanna try that myself.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Be free with you...

Be a Part of My Life
- Anthony David from “Three Chords and the Truth”

It’s easy to find someone to play with
And almost anyone could do to fill your idol time
But that really special someone you can share all your dreams with is so hard to find
And it used to be like me to settle for the physical
But these days it ain’t too easy to make up my mind
Cuz apparently the body is just too temporary to take up my precious time

See I’ve got to know that
That I can be free with you
And you got to show that
That you’re worthy of my time
You can stimulate my mind

I know that it looks good but can you be a part of my life
And I’m sure that it feels good but can you be a part of my life
And it probably taste good but can you be a part of my life
I’ve got to know…

I still appreciate the beauty of a woman
But there is more to what I need now than that meets the eye
And the beauty is only skin deep
And your pretty skin won’t send me to the highest high
It’s been a long time coming for maturity
And I believe that it’s truly what this has to be
Cuz as much as I desire you my sexual desire Ain't controlling me

See I’ve got to know that
That I can be free with you
And you got to show that
That you’re worthy of my time
You can stimulate my mind

I know that it looks good but can you be a part of my life
And I’m sure that it feels good but can you be a part of my life
And it probably taste good but can you be a part of my life
I’ve got to know…

Wonderful lyrics to a beautiful song by Anthony David

Monday, July 09, 2007

Writers and thirty

The great mass of human beings are not acutely selfish. After the age of about thirty they abandon individual ambition- in many cases, indeed, they almost abandon the sense of being individuals at all- and live chiefly for others, or are simply smothered under drudgery. But there is also the minority of gifted wilful people who are determined to live their own lives to the end, and writers belong in this class.

- George Orwell "Why I write".

Friday, June 29, 2007

Why we need artists to die young and suffer

Why we exploit artists


Do you think it is a coincidence that many talented artists die early, rely on drugs and are in deep psychological problems?

Well I am not saying all of them are like that. But really the true artists the true geniuses the people, musicians artists writers, they have a tendency to be unstable than most of us.

Why is that?
I am not saying this is the all mighty truth of the matter, but here is my theory.
I think we are using artists to indirectly experience the true depth of emotions thoughts and feelings without having to go there ourselves.
What does this mean?

It means that most of us, to survive everyday life, to live, to put the bread on the table, and not struggle in a corner hiding ourselves, we block most of our emotions and thoughts away to keep to the minimum. Our society makes it so that it is a virtue to keep a balance of things. To not get carried away, may it be happiness, sadness, madness or any other emotions and feelings one can and do get. When we do feel that the balance of emotions have been broken then we resort to medicine, vacation, therapy etc. We are scared of being in a state where one cannot control one’s emotions. For the emotional states to take hold of oneself.
On the other hand, we long for these emotions as well. We are put in a conflict where one must block and rid of emotions as much as possible to deal with daily routines and function as a member of society, while our instinct craves and needs the emotional rush to make us feel alive.

What is our solution, we sometimes go in a fit of many emotions, but better yet, we use the indirect method of experiencing a certain feeling or flow or emotions through the product of others' emotions and feelings. - Which is music, art, novels, movies, etc.

Let me give you an example, when you listen to Billie Holiday, one feels the sorrow, or the blues intricate within her voice. We can experience the mood Billie was in just through listening to her songs. Her voice makes us feel what she felt. ( I wish my vocabulary was better than this, because I am not finding the right words to explain myself). However, we also can get out of it. Get back to our tranquil state of things in the equilibrium. We can leave the mood when the song ends. However, Lady Day to produce what she did, she was in a state which at the end killed her. Under the influence of drugs and substance abuse.

Although many believe that musicians should live the stereotype life of substance abuse and constant instability, but I think we actually need them to do so, because what these drugs to is exactly push them to an extreme state of emotions, which enable them - not all of them but some- to produce what enable us to just taste or have a glimpse of what is possible.
We ourselves are too scared to do so for the fear of not being able to come back to the balance of things again, however, we want to experience them.
This is why we are in a sense in need of these fragile emotionally sensitive people to give us their experiences in notes, voices etc. Some times we are exploiting them.
We are the ones who are encouraging them to shoot up the crack inside their systems- encouraging them to really go towards the edge so they can come back and tell us what is there. While the rest of us just wallow near the edge dipping our toes.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I write incessantly

Although there are not many blogs that are published here, I have loads of work that are draft versions of what I wanted to write at the moment. Its just that I try my best to write something more decent, not just some jibberish on line, so I keep it, and later on when there hasn't been much published logs, I publish them.
Its like I am a perfectionist who procrastinates until the pressure comes down and then I loose all standards for my writing.

Something similar to what I do with my day-job- not to say that I only do this type of work during the day. No sir- as you can see, most of my blog logs are during the day hehe. Strive for perfection, sit on your hands, get stressed- deadline comes- loose all standards - finish in a haste- forget I've done such work. The story of my life.

Forget free hugs, how about some "free psycho theraphy" ??

As many of you will know there has been this huge craze which more or less started off with this you tube video called "the Free Hugs Campaign" about giving random people on the street Free Hugs to bring some warmth in their lives.

I actually thought it was quite moving, for I also think that there are animosity in society because one person refused to open up and that spread the distance between people. And how if one person started to open up, at least through a hug that it might change how people react towards each other. However, I think it has been ab it too overrated with kids hugging everyone in school every time they meet, making schools societies ban this movement... etc.

Okay, having said that, what I really think we need is free psycho therapy sessions. I mean hugs are okay, but what one really needs is someone that listens to their stories. I am amazed about how people have SO much to say without anyone to listen to them. Thus the amazing amount of blog postings each day on the Internet never mind other ways of communication. I guess it is because only when you are able to express what is inside of yourself, may it be ideas thoughts or fury over something happened, or experiences etc. You are actually alive in this society. If not there is no reason for your existence, at least not to others.

Of course many might say that the want to express oneself verbally may be a feminine characteristic. However I believe the need to be heard or express oneself is not a feminine character but there are gender differences between what needs to be said.

However, regardless of this need to express our thoughts into the outer world, to someone, there are huge deficits in the tunnels of this voicing. People try out different sources, their parents, their friends, their partner/spouse, lover, blogs, Internet communities, and a course many take at the end our professional listeners, psycho therapists and our priests. (yes I believe priests are the former versions of psycho therapists * refer to this blog entry.

Its just that because it is not considered a virtue to always talk about our favourite topic- "myself" - to other people all the time, (of course sex will be the other favourite topic, but this is actually promoted by others to be worthy of other's time and to be in everyday conversations) - we need some other routes to voice out and exist.

Here comes our idea of "free psycho therapy" or actually just "free listeners".
Although there already are many helplines that do such things, but one is only restricted to call them when there is an "emergency" and not bother people not all the time with the daily trivial things - which I must say is exactly what one needs to talk about.

I think the whole idea about love or relationship is that one has this person to tell and share the trivial things. The big things one can share with others, for these topics are usually take as something "worth talking about". It is those little things, that are "insignificant" to others, but that are important to us that one wants and needs to share. Of course having regular sex is another good reason to have a stable relationship.

But how about those of us without the possibilities for this trivial conversations? You see hugs are just not enough. It is just a physical show of affection or in one sense 'no-harm'. This is just a start, and let's not end there, lets do go on and provide people who will listen and maybe talk back even.


Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Unproductive day

I know that I am being very unproductive that day when it takes be 3 hours to finally hook up my external harddrive to the computer that I will be working at.

like today....

Tuesday, June 19, 2007


The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself. --- Oscar Wilde

Asparagus made my urine smell... well more nutty.

I had never tried asparagus before I came to the flat lands.
the first time I had it was when one of my ex had served it to me two years back, thought it was quite "strange"
Whichever the case, due to the fact that Brabant is Asparagus land, I had to buy some and eat it...
had no idea how to cook it eat it, didn't know you had to peel the bottom etc.

Here is something I also had no idea on..

Asparagus makes your urine smell nutty instead of the normal scent of lilacs and roses...

If you don't believe me check out this very reputable site or better yet a whole column on it by an MD. (or just have some asparagus yourself - or follow someone who just had them into the restroom and ask them for a sample smell)

I have to say although they say asparagus makes your urine smell "funny", I thought it just smelled nutty or like yeast or beer. Not those largers or weak beer but more ale or trappist beer types... so much that I thought I had a yeast infection or something- without the itching!

The smell is so that it is said that in a venerable British men's club there is a sign reading "DURING THE ASPARAGUS SEASON MEMBERS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO RELIEVE THEMSELVES IN THE HATSTAND."[cited]

The smell must be really renowned for there is even a site that sells t-shirts which has a whole section of "asparagus makes my urine smell" section.

Its amazing the valuable information you get to learn every day in life...

Monday, June 18, 2007

a song about hating the dutch

“I Hate the Dutch” John Dowie
From the 1977 EP “Another Close Shave”

I’m a British Tourist and I’m very, very rude.
I hate the stinking foreigners

hate their stinking food

I don’t like French or Germans

I don’t care for Belgians much
But worst of all worst of all

I hate the Dutch

The Dutch, the Dutch
I hate them worse than dogs.

They live in windmills
and mince around in clogs.

They don’t have any manners

They don’t say ‘thanks’ or ‘please’
all they eat is tulips
and stinking gouda cheese…

I’m a British tourist with a countenance severe

I love to strike the foreign type
And box their poxied ears

But there’s one woggy dago

I cannot bear to touch
The slimy crawling

stench appalling
snotty grotty Dutch

The Dutch are mad
Their fingers stuck in dikes

They use the wrong side of the road

And ride around on bikes

They don’t have any manners,
don’t have any brains.

There’s only one race worse than them
and that’s… THE DANES!

listen to the song

Hey no offense but this is really funny.... :-)

I wish...

I wish I could be someone who writes meaningless thoughts and ideas - all non-scientific- for a living...

When I look at people, many strive to find out exactly what they want to do in life.
I will do that, they say, if only they can find out what they would like to do.

The only problem is that once you are able to find the thing (you think) you want to do , then comes the following questions. Firstly, the doubts on your ability to do it, your true passion in them to do it as a life calling, and lastly the courage to leave what you have been doing for a number of years and actually trying out your chance on the one you've found.

It can be compared to finding your "true love" while being in a long-term steady relationship. You have to ask yourself, those the other person- thus the newly found love- loves you, is your passion towards that person not just some emotional swing, a fling but the real thing, and lastly can you leave the person you were with for the past years who you are confortable with and know well... can you leave it all and start over new?

It might be that you are just bored of your partner after awhile, the initial interest/passion dies out when the hormones are done with and that is why you want to try out new lovers.
Although this also may be that this person wasn't the one for you and you want/need to change/explore etc.

Again, the same with jobs... is it just that the honeymoon period is over or is it that you really need a new vocation??


It doesn't really matter whether the whole world accepts you with open arms. It will be that one rejection that will kill you.

Do I scare you?

I feel like I am scaring men away due to my desperation for a relationship or is it due to too much confidence..??

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Recent keyword activity

So I have this programe linked to my blog which tells you how many people came to the blog, stayed how long.
It also tell you how people came to your site thus the "recent keyword activity"
So this shows you what types of keywords people searched up - mostly in google- to get to your site.
It also shows you where you are when you search for the word

So here is the most interesting ones I've gotten... to get to my site/ not necessarily the insatiable hee site, but to the specific blog entries.
I am # 1 entry when you search "hoogerbugge" in ( this is because the correct spelling for his name is HoogerbRugge)
#9 on "ajumma definition"
#129 on "male genitals"
and I dunno why and how but you can get to my site when you search for
"teenage guy learns to hypnotize for sexual ga"


Monday, June 11, 2007

Cool cold and indifferent

I have no idea how many times I've been hurt by the doings/behaviour/words of the Dutch . I feel like I need several months of psycho therapy to get over these traumas..
I have tried so hard to analyze what exactly it is that makes me hurt as such.
And after about two years, realized what it is.
Many dutch are insensitive... they are not the type to think of the feelings of others when they say or do something. They do not try to hurt you on purpose, they are not mean people, but its just that they don't know how to put themselves in other's shoes.
Second of all, you all are supposed to be completely independent here. So again this has to do with the insensitivity but also indifference. You have to do everything by yourself and try not to lean on others. Do not expect someone to take care of you or your special circumstances. It is highly unlikely that someone will do this. Its every man/woman on his/her own. You are supposed to be cold, detached unless in very limited circumstances. They can be logical but not warm hearted. This is the bad side of the coin of not having everyone in your face about things. You can be do practically anything without others judging you, but then again it is extremely hard to have someone care about you. I think this is why foreigners find it difficult to befriend a dutch. As I say, its easy to date one, but hard to befriend one.

What scares me is the idea of me becoming like that because of them. That after awhile I would be this cold detached indifferent being.

I am not saying Dutch is the worst nationality. On the contrary, they have great characteristics as well, which other people usually don't have, which I try hard to learn from. However, there are always two sides to everything...

I know this may be perceived as being racist but I am not actually trying to generalize the Dutch, really I have lived here far too short to say this, and even if I did, would not be able to say it. But this is just what I've felt several times during my stay here, in comparison to my stay in other countries-(I've lived in five countries in my life in total). Also I believe this experience can be completely different for other people, however this is me and what I felt.

Saturday, June 09, 2007


One thing that makes you glad about being single without any serious relationship at the age or thirty is that you are not a divorcee with a child at this age...
however after much thought, maybe it is actually better to be the divorcee with the child than to be thirty with no serious relationship to your name and comitment issues.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

one thing

There's only one thing worse than bad character that is bad looks, and only one thing worse than bad looks, and that is bad breath.


As more and more ways of communicating through the Internet, or through the computer develops, the method of delivering one's thought through letting air out to make sounds through your mouth using the muscles in your mouth and neck, AKA speaking, with another person physically next to you seems like an medieval ancient version of what is now known as typing.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

The Heart

"The heart is a resilient little muscle"

--Mickey --- from Woody Allen's "Hannah and her sisters"

Friday, June 01, 2007

If I had my way

You know how you get more and more greedy the more stuff you get?
anyways now that i've heard alot of great bands play, I now want them for example in my own festival or my birthday party~! hey~~
anyhow what will the line up be... I will have to think but definately(not necessarily in this order - this will be the soul/funk line up, not the jazz.)

1. Renee Neufville
2. Roy Hargrove and the RH Factor - the 2005 line up
3. Rob van de Wouw
4. Eryka Badu
5. D'Angelo
6. Maceo Parker
7. Jill Scott
8. Angie Stone
9. Meshell N'degeochello (provided that she plays her earlier works)
10. Amp Fiddler
11. Bootsy Collins - Parliament Funkadelics
12. Floetry
13. Sly and the Family Stone


anyone wants to fund me for my festival?

Do M.A.L.E. Models

Social Scientist do MALE(Multi-variate Analysis of Linear Equations) models better than others.

well not really Economists do them as well.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Stuart is Back

After his looooooong break of approximately 7 months, our lad, our cynical epic centre Stuart Jefferies is back!! Yeeeeeeee~~~
The title of his first comeback column- not one of his culture reviews and stuff, cuz he's been writing about that in between as well- is "The Bald Truth"
Its about how insulting it is to ask a bald journalist to comment on the new developmental gene works of science to rid the world of follicle challenges.
Fortunately he hasn't lost his edge :-)

The Bald Truth

Saturday, May 26, 2007

porn for women

okay, here is a question.
Is it only men that enjoy porn?
I mean do women not enjoy porn??
actually I was quite surprised by an episode in Oprah where one black actor was confessing to the show audience that he was a porn watcher. As if that was the equivalent of smoking crack. His wife also came out saying how disappointed she was but at the end he kicked his habit, however hard it was, came back to Jesus and is happily married.
I then thought... wait.. why? Did he do something that was that wrong? Is it a sort of adultery to watch porn while married?
I know in some countries there are some aspects of porn that is illegal - for example in the UK .

Whichever the case, is watching porn illegal? is it wrong?
I know it isn't something one can be proud of admitting to, not fancy dinner conversation start up ..such as "Well ol chap I was watching porn the other day..and"
well yes, this is true.. not that its completely impossible.

However it isn't too bad right?
Yes I must admit majority of the porn contents are quite disturbing as well as their titles obscene.
Teen age girl ass fucked <-- This I must admit is the lightest of the titles. If you want to know the titles just check your Spam box.
Women who are against the porn industry point to the fact that porn demoralizes women, they make men perceive women as sex objects who can be just used as toys or for their sexual pleasure. It also takes the emotional connection one (should) can have through sex out of the picture, thus it makes it seem sex is a tool to get rid of sexual drive and nothing more.(which I know for some it is true-- so...well..kinda hard of a topic ain't it?)
However, then the problems can be solved by making good porn. Healthy moral organic porn.
This brings me back to my initial question. Can women enjoy porn?
I think yes, but it depends on what it will contain and how it is made.
Although if you get down to it women will enjoy not porn but more so the (soft core) sex scenes sometimes put in romantic movies.
However, lets presuppose we have to make a porn targeted towards women, then what should be in it?
Hard thick male genitals?
No I think, based on the male porn I've seen- yes I've encountered my share- that women's porn should be more based on foreplay. Male porn movies' foreplay consists of the girl giving the middle aged guy a blow job... no go for women. It has to be proper foreplay with nice music- guys porn doesn't have music or this really hard rock type of music, which is come on.. cannot be a turn on for any sex now can it?
Something like Barry White or Marvin Gaye please. A bit of romantic candle lights or nice sheets- which you cannot find in men's porn- will also be a plus.
It should at least have a bit of story line with it and it shouldn't all be focused on genitals... and no screaming.... bit of noise but not the constant.. oh yas and uh...s... for the viewer this can be a turn off as well as irritating.(and also makes the whole thing quite absurd as well)
What else, oh yeah.. a hard thick long male genitals can't harm but if the price for that is a greesy man with a pornstashe and beer tummy, I say no. Rather a nice body- one of those guys from 300 will do, with waxed chests and nice voice and face will probably be better. Are you with me my sisters??

Just an additional remark. I was also thinking about a porn advisory committee set up by women to control the contents of porn on line and the sort.
This committee will make sure that there is proper foreplay- so that men can actually gain some useful knowledge through the watching of porn- and no fake orgasmic sounds- so that men know what is good and what not. Overall to put some useful info into porn.. how is that? We call this the porn-edu-tainment. Being educated while watching porn.. two for one deal eh?

I"ve just found out that there is a book called "a smart girl's guide to porn"- by violet blue author, columnist, lecturer..etc - also some bits on her blog
whichever the case, the point is there are some porn designed for women! ha~ you hear that ladies? its time to get downloading!

little miss cynical

I have always loved to watch romantic comedies/dramas.
For reasons that I myself was never, well almost never really that active in the dating scene, I needed to boost my hormone levels up by, no not by watching raw porn, but romantic comedies.
I don't know if you have noticed but if you empathize with the characters enough you will even get the rush of hormones in your system along with the characters in the movie.
Let's say it a cheaper way out of this hormone desert, rather getting the injection shots.
However corny they may be I really loved them.
The roll of fate meeting, the first initial period of suspicion and the first kiss, the fall out and the last moment when all is well again.
in my head I kept thinking, no that doesn't make sense, that can't happen, but within there probably was this little glimmering hope inside me that got persuaded towards the end that I myself, if I kept my hopes up with my eyes open that, will eventually be the main character. That I would also bump into a guy in a bookstore and at the first instant you realize that something great will happen. That I will be the girl who loves and is loved will all their might for some strange twist of fate and lives happily ever after the end sort of thing.

Now, I think really its all bollocks. I mean, don't get me wrong here, I don't think that there isn't love of any sort and that we all are fooling ourselves into believing the false image of love that has been practically jammed into our heads by media, story tales and lets not forget our parents or other people around us. That those who do fall in love are those who are more gullible, naieve or those that can easily be hypnotized to be in such practically brain impaired state. No.. I am not saying that. I am just saying the movies are going a bit too far. I think there is that very specific group of women for whom these movies are aiming for. These movies are made just to give them that injection of indirect romance hormones, but apparently the movie makes believe these women are quite shallow, naieve or inexperienced of the world's doings.. gullible.. etc. For me, when I see them even if I try to follow the plot and get into it.. these days I just feel like that this is not feasible, doesn't make any sense. OR more so I feel like, it never ain't going to be happily ever after, it will be like oh, they are okay for a month or two and when the hormones wear off and the sex gets to familiar they will get a cold shower of reality and wake up from fantasy land. Or that the women inside these movies are abit too naieve... like girls... not like women.

For example, in the movie The Holiday I was just waiting for Jude Law to dump Cameron Diaz or for him to show up with some other woman.. naked in bed.. in other words, I was waiting for the disaster which actually never came till the end. Nothing. nada.. nil..

You might think that oh, its because I am damaged and wounded that I mirror my sorrows on to the movie, and I say, well never had that happen to me before as well. So I am not spiteful because of my gloomy experiences. So shut it. What I meant to say is that these movies go too far these days. Come on women are not teenage girls.. although now that I think about it, maybe romance comedies are for teenage girls and I'm just browsing in the wrong section. Or maybe I am a bit too cynical.

Which I have to admit, does get better- and I am not just saying myself but other women I've seen as well- that we do loose our cynical edge when we find someone who gives us that tingly feeling inside our stomaches... which kinda is incompatible cynical thoughts- atleast cynicalism on love that is. However, if that doesn't happen, I will sustain my position in the cynicality line of reasoning.

Friday, May 25, 2007

List of Jazz Festivals in the Netherlands (summer of) 2007 - updated!!

Okay, I made my share of complaints about this country. and Believe you me, you haven't even seen a tinkle of the whole sea of complaints I had.
Whichever the case, the good thing about the Netherlands, which is not to say is the only good thing, nor is this a characteristic only the Netherlands has.. but forget this not to sidetrack and moving on.. is that it has hell of a lot of festivals.
I mean I don't know all of it but let me just give you a list of some of them.

Jazz *all festival names are linked to their sites!
Meer Jazz Festival - 11th to 13th of May in Hoofddorp Amsterdam.Amsterveen

Jazz in Enkhuizen - 11 to 13 of May(in 2007 but 16to 18 in 2008) well Enkhuizen

Breda Jazz Festival
- 17th to 20th of May in Breda

The Hague Jazz "Don't Jazzytate" - 18th and 19th of May in well.. the Hague.

International Jazz Festival in Enschede - 25th to 28th of May - in Enschede - highlight 27th : John Scofield will be preforming.

Jazz in Duketown - 26to 28th of May - in Den Bosch

International Jazz Festival Middelburg -26th to 28th of May - in Middelburg - highlights: 26th 21:30 New Cool Collective

Schelde jazz - 31st of May to the 3rd of June - in Terneuzen

Jazz weekend in Bergen op zoom - 29th of may to the 3rd of June in Bergen op Zoom - highlight: June 2nd 23:00 Rob van de Wouw

Jazz in Antwood - 2nd of June - in Antwood?

North Sea Jazz festival - the biggest festival. 13~15th of July in Rotterdam - highlights- too many but let me just give you some names: Sly and the Family Stone, Roy Hardgrove, Maceo Parker, India Arie, Al Green, Marlena Shaw, Buena Bista Social Club, David Sandborne, the Roots, Marcus Millar, Toots Thielemans, Amy Winehouse, Snoop Dogg, Chick Corea.... and much more(North Sea Jazz line up in added up till the last moments) - I kick myself everytime I think of how I cannot go there. ARGGGG

Zomer Jazz Fiets Tour
- Summer Jazz bike tour - 24th to 26th of August. Groningen.

The Rhine Town Jazz Festival - 6th to 9th September in Wageningen

Eemtown Jazz Festival
- 6th of October in Amersfoort.

Actually to be honest, this is just some of the numerous jazz festivals.
I cannot list them all, not to mention other music festivals such as
Pink Pop (26th to 28th of May)
Elastiek (25th to 28th of May) - 28th Rob van de Wouw will be preforming from 4:30 pm.
International Gipsy Festival (28th of May)
Festival Mundial (15th to 16th of June)
Roots Festival (16th to 23rd June)
Low Lands Festival (17th to 19th of August)

Just to name a few of the several festivals
but whichever the case, if you want jazz and may I say FREE jazz - I mean as in Gratis- well you know where to go.

For more check out jazz server or this list from jazzfest

Thursday, May 17, 2007

love makes you lazy

talking about her newly found boyfriend

"Love makes you lazy. It's a dangerous drug. It kills more brain cells than crystal meth.... "

- Mac from Veronica Mars.

I know I know... but i really am hooked on this.

blaming your parents

You can always blame your parents for your bad looks, but never your bad temperament.
Always blame your friends for that.

Also always blame your lack of humor to your siblings, if you don't have any, mind numbing telly of your country or your parents unwillingness to supply you with proper cable might be the suitable answer to your frustrations.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

life all the irony

Life and irony...

Is it me or does things (and people) always look better once you know you are going to leave it?
It seems as if there is this wild conspiricy against me, that life ironically turns better when I've actually made a decision to cut it off. To show off as if yelling "hey look, see it ain't that bad and now that you're leaving we're going to be much more interesting~!"

I mean like life sucked major balls for awhile and now that it seems to have taken a turn for the better- including the weather among other things- now that I have to leave the life here for a while.

Is this because it actually gotten better or is it my little mind playing tricks on me, to show how it ain't that bad when you think you are going to leave it.
Ofcourse the same happens when you are just about to leave someone.
They seem horrible, and when about the time you want to leave them, they actually do something that is great- are these just the last doubts making its way?

Sunday, April 08, 2007

turning 30 means

After watching endless movies and the half the second season (12 episodes!) of Veronica Mars back to back, due to the excuse from the pain from pulling out a tooth,

I came to some epiphany...

I realized that turning 30 means that you do(can) not emphasize with Veronica Mars...
you emphasize more with Toni Collette in "in her shoes".

Friday, April 06, 2007

without wisdom

yes, it's been done.
I've gotten my last wisdom tooth removed.
Fortunately for me, unlike the last time when the doctor had to pull it out from my jaw, in which the tooth was rooted in, and thus taking 30 minutes.. this time around it was only like 2 minutes.
All throughout my life my teeth came in abit later than most, and although most people take their wisdom teeth out around the ages of 17~24 well I was let's just say well overdue.
It is quite interesting how people call this tooth wisdom tooth- due to when it comes out- when your of age and become wise. (In korea it's called "love tooth" for this is approximately the age when you get your first chance and experience of love.- thus when your "love teeth" come out you are ready for love.) which I must say should change cuz come on, kids under 25 don't know dip shit, although at acient times I'm sure it was quite an "old" age.

whichever the case, thus I am now almost at the age of 30 ready for love or well wisdom zo to zeggen.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Sexy muscles

As you guys might like big boobs(breasts) or bodonkadonks(ass) in a gal, I myself believe the male body can be extremely sexy with the right type of muscles in them.
Why? I don't know exactly why.

It may have to do with the masculinity, proof that the man in question is strong enough to protect you and your children or maybe that they are fertile with loads of testosterone.
It may have to do with the fact that the male penis is also a muscle, the firmness of the male body reminds women of a firm male penis. Thus women may find the muscles in a male body, especially when she has the chance to touch them, arousing.

In this sense I do not agree with Germaine Greer, saying we should also admire the teenager boy's prettiness. I think we on the contrarily should admire and enjoy the firm mature male body. I mean like Will Smith in "I Robot" when he's topless, it really takes my breath away.

now tell me that you don't fancy this.... come on!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Single, proud and the majority

A report published recently shows that the average age for a first marriage in the UK is at a all time low, with 31.7 for men and 29.5 for women, four years older than in 1991. The number of marriages has dropped even 10% in England and Wales in just one year.

This report is comparable to the NYT report showing now the majority of adult women cannot be categorized as married nor cohabitating women, but actually single women!

Ha we rule! power to the majority! let's kick the false conscious that we have to cohabitate, we have to mate and that is the social "norm" to do so!
Apparently this is not the case and will continue to be so for years to come.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Smell of spring

there cannot be any smell more nostalgic and sensual than the smell of spring night
It is a mixture of the first signs of the warm breeze that swiped away the cold with the reminiscence of the ligering sunlight of the day and a hint of the fragile scents of the spring flowers that have just opened up themselves to the world to be loved.

If you breath it in, it melts you heart away, makes your muscles loose and all the things that were rigid and frozen within you from the the winter's cold melts away by the little particles inside the spring breeze.

It take you back to the memories of the springs before, of the love and the heartaches. It is so much that it even hurts from the recollections and the pangs of the winters past.

Whichever the case, it give me such an high that is incomparable to any thing, an melancolic high that unties all the knots in myself...

ahhh spring

Monday, March 26, 2007

the big bowl fills up later

this means that the big bowl fills up later(than smaller bowls), which mean people who will become big in society actually bloom later on in life.

Imagine the guy or girl who was the coolest kid in class/grade and then look at them now. You see?

For one, I think all the experiences in the world, we strive to have them earlier. As if earlier the better, but I also think that you get jaded easier when you experience these things too fast, too soon.

For example, I've been to 8 conferences in the past two/three years, and must say now feel abit jaded towards them in the sense that I know them now. Am up for newier things in life.
In that sense you get one over with and go on to the next, but this is not neccesarily good... I would imagine.

There is a time and place for everything, as the song goes.

market values of love

"two people fall in love when they feel they have found the best object available on the market, considering the limitations of their own exchange values."

Erich Fromm The Art of Loving

The only thing is that this presupposes that we all compete in the same market.
It may be that I am only trading stocks in the Dow Jones, while you work in Nasdaq...
Or more so that I am in the shoe markets while you are in the fishing industry.

Also its true that you sometimes find something that you thought were not "your market".. your game if you may...I thought I was in the baseball game and find this remarkable hockey player to my taste...

The point being is that Fromm has a point to some degree but due to post-moderism, diversified cultural streams and its ability to spread like wildfire from the advancement of technology, there are several markets working simultaneously and new markets opening up everyday. So many that it is actually not just hard to find someone with the right market values- so you wouldn't lose out on the "merger" but just to find your market period.
But I do believe for many, who do not venture out for the unique market strategically aiming for the niche, but sticks to the more what you may the "main markets" of this society where the blond blue eyed size 34/size 4(depending on whether you live in Europe or the states) gets the pick, the Fromm principles do adhere to quite a large extent.

The next question being who is the person in charge of labeling people with their "true fundemental values"? and how do we know what ours is? how other's prices go?
When does it drop and to what extent?