Monday, June 11, 2007

Cool cold and indifferent

I have no idea how many times I've been hurt by the doings/behaviour/words of the Dutch . I feel like I need several months of psycho therapy to get over these traumas..
I have tried so hard to analyze what exactly it is that makes me hurt as such.
And after about two years, realized what it is.
Many dutch are insensitive... they are not the type to think of the feelings of others when they say or do something. They do not try to hurt you on purpose, they are not mean people, but its just that they don't know how to put themselves in other's shoes.
Second of all, you all are supposed to be completely independent here. So again this has to do with the insensitivity but also indifference. You have to do everything by yourself and try not to lean on others. Do not expect someone to take care of you or your special circumstances. It is highly unlikely that someone will do this. Its every man/woman on his/her own. You are supposed to be cold, detached unless in very limited circumstances. They can be logical but not warm hearted. This is the bad side of the coin of not having everyone in your face about things. You can be do practically anything without others judging you, but then again it is extremely hard to have someone care about you. I think this is why foreigners find it difficult to befriend a dutch. As I say, its easy to date one, but hard to befriend one.

What scares me is the idea of me becoming like that because of them. That after awhile I would be this cold detached indifferent being.

I am not saying Dutch is the worst nationality. On the contrary, they have great characteristics as well, which other people usually don't have, which I try hard to learn from. However, there are always two sides to everything...

I know this may be perceived as being racist but I am not actually trying to generalize the Dutch, really I have lived here far too short to say this, and even if I did, would not be able to say it. But this is just what I've felt several times during my stay here, in comparison to my stay in other countries-(I've lived in five countries in my life in total). Also I believe this experience can be completely different for other people, however this is me and what I felt.


Hwa Young said...

what are the good sides of the Dutch?

insatiable hee said...

Liberal?= you can do anything and will not really be judged on it.
They respect your space
Very casual behaviours of people...and non-hierarchical egalitarian societal structure.
and they have good dairy products- e.g. vla....

S said...

You cannot generalize a whole country after interacting with a tiny small percentage of its people. Perhaps you are not picky enough about the people you interact with, or maybe your own approach may trigger a certain type of behaviour.

insatiable hee said...

Hey S, I am not saying all dutch are like this and thank god for that and I have to say I am surprised and do appreciate those who are not as such. But I think there is a tendency of this compared to other places I have lived. but maybe you are right it might be my behavior, my perception, the people I met, or when I've met them or how I've met them. But let me just blow some steam off here.