Smell of spring

there cannot be any smell more nostalgic and sensual than the smell of spring night
It is a mixture of the first signs of the warm breeze that swiped away the cold with the reminiscence of the ligering sunlight of the day and a hint of the fragile scents of the spring flowers that have just opened up themselves to the world to be loved.

If you breath it in, it melts you heart away, makes your muscles loose and all the things that were rigid and frozen within you from the the winter's cold melts away by the little particles inside the spring breeze.

It take you back to the memories of the springs before, of the love and the heartaches. It is so much that it even hurts from the recollections and the pangs of the winters past.

Whichever the case, it give me such an high that is incomparable to any thing, an melancolic high that unties all the knots in myself...

ahhh spring

the big bowl fills up later

대기만성
this means that the big bowl fills up later(than smaller bowls), which mean people who will become big in society actually bloom later on in life.



Imagine the guy or girl who was the coolest kid in class/grade and then look at them now. You see?

For one, I think all the experiences in the world, we strive to have them earlier. As if earlier the better, but I also think that you get jaded easier when you experience these things too fast, too soon.

For example, I've been to 8 conferences in the past two/three years, and must say now feel abit jaded towards them in the sense that I know them now. Am up for newier things in life.
In that sense you get one over with and go on to the next, but this is not neccesarily good... I would imagine.

There is a time and place for everything, as the song goes.

market values of love

"two people fall in love when they feel they have found the best object available on the market, considering the limitations of their own exchange values."

Erich Fromm The Art of Loving

The only thing is that this presupposes that we all compete in the same market.
It may be that I am only trading stocks in the Dow Jones, while you work in Nasdaq...
Or more so that I am in the shoe markets while you are in the fishing industry.

Also its true that you sometimes find something that you thought were not "your market".. your game if you may...I thought I was in the baseball game and find this remarkable hockey player to my taste...

The point being is that Fromm has a point to some degree but due to post-moderism, diversified cultural streams and its ability to spread like wildfire from the advancement of technology, there are several markets working simultaneously and new markets opening up everyday. So many that it is actually not just hard to find someone with the right market values- so you wouldn't lose out on the "merger" but just to find your market period.
But I do believe for many, who do not venture out for the unique market strategically aiming for the niche, but sticks to the more what you may the "main markets" of this society where the blond blue eyed size 34/size 4(depending on whether you live in Europe or the states) gets the pick, the Fromm principles do adhere to quite a large extent.

The next question being who is the person in charge of labeling people with their "true fundemental values"? and how do we know what ours is? how other's prices go?
When does it drop and to what extent?

Learn how to love

As anything in the world, you must learn how to love, and learn from your past experiences. To see what are the mistakes I've made before, and what I can learn from them. I think one tends to forget to do this for relationships.

Erich Fromm in The Art of Loving points out that it is indeed an art which entails knowledge and effort, that one to really love, must learn the theory and practices of Love like any other things in life.

Also within the relationships, I think you must really "work" at it, for uptill now what I've realized is that there isn't someone who is perfect, and even if there is your chance of meeting that person will be quite slight due to various circumstances.
Thus you must first try to see what the person in front of you has to offer, for although you've never imagined yourself with that type of person, it might be the case, where that person will suprise you with new things that you have never imagined that you will like.

You must learn how to love that person, to see what the positive sides there are of the person- as if trying out new icecream flavours. Sure, chocolate might be your favourite, but how about variations on chocolate, or yoghurts or fruit sorbet.
As you are willing to try out new things- food and other wise, such as new experiences- you must be willing to give yourself and others new people a chance.

From what I've experienced, although at the end of the day it may not work out, it will broaden your horizens and you will learn from it, and well let's just say that you might be happily surprised during the time.

One sound advice

Here's a nice advice for those of you that need some.

More and more I feel that you shouldn't have expectations, especially towards other people.
Its only when you don't expect anything from them, that is when they suprise you with a character, remark, action whatever.

Its only when you expect something, and have your hopes up, then in most cases you will be disappointed.


When you find something really nice about someone by suprise, without expecting it, it will be like finding a nice little trasure box. If not well, its not like you were expecting to find one anyways.

This of course does not mean do not trust people, or never open yourself up towards other. You should trust them and open yourself up. But do not think that you'll always get reciprocity. Just do it without expecting anything back.

Of course, easily said then done...

My newly found self

(Almost) never in my life have I strived to be the voluminous luscious girly sexy pretty type. It just wasn't the field I competed in..or can compete in.. I rather compete for the cynical, funny, smart or just crazy category, where I at least had some chance to win- or be in the higher ranks, if you know what I am saying.

For this reason, for me make-up, bras or other feminine things were just minor things I needed, not necessarily feeling it is important. From this reason, I guess I had mis-judged my self all my life or most specifically, I have recently found out that I have bought the wrong size bras all my life.

Firstly I have to admit that the reason I was in the shop to begin with, was because I wanted to try out the padded bras- which I have never tried - just to see whether it really does change your life, and how people look at you. A little social experience if you may. Whichever the case, not knowing exactly what size I needed to buy - trying on my old size, I asked the shop clerk. She told me, well you're buying the wrong size. You're **C... not &&B. (I refuse to put the sizes in because that's just giving away too much info I think)

"C? What do you mean I am a C cup? I can't... well... I never"

Anyways, the funny thing is that when I was in Korea they gave me @@A, and then found out later here in the Netherlands, I am actually a &&B (okay, the @@ is 5 cms larger than &&), and then this week I found out that I am actually a **C(yeah ** is also 5 cms smaller than &&- which means that my chest sizes are getting smaller but my breasts are the same size or something). But the thing is when I put on the bra, it felt like coming home. the thought went through my mind- "Yes, this IS my size. What was I thinking all those years, using the wrong size. I feel so comfortable, and well supported. Wow...I feel like my true self"
(I wonder if I will experience the same emotional rush and the same certainty when I meet the guy of my life...doubt it really)

Whichever the case, now that I have the correct size- with a bit of padding-they call this the light weight padding- my god, if I look inside the mirror, I feel "all breasty". The bra/breast takes up so much space and I feel like a curvey woman. I am like all breast right now.
And then it got me thinking, maybe I am a girly girlish breasty curvey woman, am have been foolin myself all these years.- for one must admit that the perception of yourself changes through image as well- like if you are a big girl within your circle or society, you think of yourself accordingly, where as you are the small girl- visa versa. Although being a C cup is just normal here in the NLs, I feel like I've just gained- or gotten a shot of estrogenes inside me.