Friday, March 02, 2007

My newly found self

(Almost) never in my life have I strived to be the voluminous luscious girly sexy pretty type. It just wasn't the field I competed in..or can compete in.. I rather compete for the cynical, funny, smart or just crazy category, where I at least had some chance to win- or be in the higher ranks, if you know what I am saying.

For this reason, for me make-up, bras or other feminine things were just minor things I needed, not necessarily feeling it is important. From this reason, I guess I had mis-judged my self all my life or most specifically, I have recently found out that I have bought the wrong size bras all my life.

Firstly I have to admit that the reason I was in the shop to begin with, was because I wanted to try out the padded bras- which I have never tried - just to see whether it really does change your life, and how people look at you. A little social experience if you may. Whichever the case, not knowing exactly what size I needed to buy - trying on my old size, I asked the shop clerk. She told me, well you're buying the wrong size. You're **C... not &&B. (I refuse to put the sizes in because that's just giving away too much info I think)

"C? What do you mean I am a C cup? I can't... well... I never"

Anyways, the funny thing is that when I was in Korea they gave me @@A, and then found out later here in the Netherlands, I am actually a &&B (okay, the @@ is 5 cms larger than &&), and then this week I found out that I am actually a **C(yeah ** is also 5 cms smaller than &&- which means that my chest sizes are getting smaller but my breasts are the same size or something). But the thing is when I put on the bra, it felt like coming home. the thought went through my mind- "Yes, this IS my size. What was I thinking all those years, using the wrong size. I feel so comfortable, and well supported. Wow...I feel like my true self"
(I wonder if I will experience the same emotional rush and the same certainty when I meet the guy of my life...doubt it really)

Whichever the case, now that I have the correct size- with a bit of padding-they call this the light weight padding- my god, if I look inside the mirror, I feel "all breasty". The bra/breast takes up so much space and I feel like a curvey woman. I am like all breast right now.
And then it got me thinking, maybe I am a girly girlish breasty curvey woman, am have been foolin myself all these years.- for one must admit that the perception of yourself changes through image as well- like if you are a big girl within your circle or society, you think of yourself accordingly, where as you are the small girl- visa versa. Although being a C cup is just normal here in the NLs, I feel like I've just gained- or gotten a shot of estrogenes inside me.


Hwa Young said...

it's wonderful you found self esteem through bra cup size. not to burst your new found bust bubble, but countries have different ways to mark sizes. I don't think there is an ISO for bra cup grades. personally I have always wanted to be smaller, I don't like being so curvy. it feels more like squishy bumpy than curvy. also, most clothes(stlyish elegant types, not hooker halters) out there are made to look better on smaller chested women. grass is greener huh?

insatiable hee said...

yeah you are right, it might just be that the dutch system wants women to feel better about there big breasts so they make smaller sizes seem bigger. Anyways, yeah, I am not all about big breasts myself, but am willing to try new things out if you know what I'm sayin.